Wednesday, December 16, 2015

That's Nuts!

Yesterday, I took the boys to get allergy tested.

Little E has chronic hives. His last flare up was so bad, it looked like the measles.

Big E has had two allergic reactions to two different types of nuts.  One resulted in us pulling over on the side of Peachtree Battle so he could hurl in the bushes of one of the stately mansions lining the street. Sorry rich people.

I was preparing for the worst, after the flu shot bonanza, where Big E attempted an escape, only to be tackled by a nurse before he reached his freedom.

After waiting in the lobby forever, we were finally called back. Both boys were weighed, measured, and had their blood pressure taken.  Thank goodness they didn't take mine.  I'm sure it was through the roof as I was STRESSING this appointment.  I had even applied extra, EXTRA deodorant and water proof mascara.

Little E snarled at the blood pressure machine. He was not buying the arm hugger description.

Big E immediately began laying out his case for why he shouldn't have any shots.

I pulled the nurse aside and asked her if we could split the boys up if they were both being allergy tested today.  I wanted to avoid a repeat of the flu shot freakout.

Thankfully, Little E was diagnosed with plain hives occurring in 20% of the population with no known cause (sweet).  He was off the hook for allergy testing.

But Big E was not. And he did not know what was about to go down.


Big E remained glued to his Kindle and I was so glad I had brought it.  We had now been waiting over an hour and had had very little doctor action.

Things changed fast when the nurse walked in with her tray of terror.  Rows and rows of arm pricks.

Big E's voice went up about seven octaves.

WHAT ARE THOSE?  NEEDLES?  I SAID NO SHOTS!

The doctor heard his escalating concerns and came in to help the nurse hold Big E's arm so they could mark it with a pen and get down to business.

Big E began crying as soon as she cleaned his arm with alcohol and then moved on to full-on murderous screams as she scratched up his arm.  It took a minute at most.

Then we were left in the room with the giant toy bin to wait to see how his arm reacted.
Little E began to get ancy and I convinced Big E to let him use the Kindle for a few minutes.

Big E and I got down to business.  We each grabbed a super bouncy ball from the toy bin and played a close range game of mini-dodgeball. It was all out war in that 9x9 room.  I'm sure we were making a ruckus, but we were going on two hours of being there and even I was getting a little nutty (see what I did there?)

The doctor finally reappeared.  Big E and I had both broken a sweat.  It was time to read his arm.



He was going to meet the girl of his dreams and embark on a semi-successful career path at a mid-sized regional company.  Oh wait.  That's a palm reading.

His arm reading. It was clear as day, not so much in the above picture though.  Cashews for the win.  Which we already knew.

I received a quick lesson in stabbing your kid with an EPI pen.  Once he told me that I didn't have to stab him as hard as they did in Pulp Fiction, that was all I could think about.  Royale with cheese, anyone?

At 4:15 we rolled out of there.  A mere 2.5 hours later.

A few takeaways.  It was not as bad as I expected.  I had even made these:

It's hard to read the bag, but those are gummy bears.  I gave them some kitschy pinterest name like BRAVE BEARS.  I was planning on doling these babies out if things really got dicey. 

Instead, I am now carrying around two zip lock bags full of candy in my purse. If we have another show-stopping ice storm this year, Mrs. Yoy's Toyota will be THE place to party on 285.

If I don't have a chance (or reason) to write again before the end of the year, Happy Holidays!!

And if you are lucky enough to be on the Yoyser holiday card list, you are so very welcome.


Friday, December 4, 2015

Mrs. Yoy: (Not) Defying Gravity

We are muddling through Day 4 of Big E's intense fear of ghosts and being left alone.

He's totally cool all afternoon and as soon as the sun sets, he permanently attaches himself to my a**.

Last night we were all piled in Big E's bed reading another great pick about being clairvoyant and the ability to levitate. 

So many mundane details about monks from two hundred years ago getting reprimanded for disrupting church because they were floating all over the damn place.

My eyelids were getting heavy.  My brain was no longer processing the words I was reading.  I was wearing my Sherpa robe and things were getting too warm and cozy for Mrs. Yoy.

And scene.

Just as we reached the chapter on gravity, I fell asleep.

My grasp on the book was released, which I've done many times before, only to drop a four hundred pager on my face.

This time it was a smaller book and it landed, corner first smack in the middle of Little E's lotioned up forehead.

SCREAMS. SCREAMS. SCREAMS.

Big E had just dozed off, too, even he wasn't immune to the snore factor on this book. He popped up in a ghost panic.

But Little E wanted to make sure we all knew he was suffering.  At first I thought he was just being extra dramatic.  Then I looked at his head.  He had a perfect red line equally dividing his forehead.

The irony of it all was not lost on me.


Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Liar, Liar Pants on (Kindle) Fire

Chanukah begins at sundown on Sunday.

In order to generate some Jewish buzz around here, and in an attempt to use presents as bribery for good behavior this week, I wrapped their presents and laid them out beautifully in our dining room.

This year, I purchased both boys Kindle Fires.  They went on sale for $35, so I decided it was worth not constantly having my phone commandeered by Big E.

My phone always returns to me sticky, which was puzzling until I witnessed Big E cleaning the screen with his tongue.

Let's all take a moment to digest that.

Ok, moving on.

The boys have been circling their gifts since they made their appearance on the table.

Big E has been acting super sketchy and I finally figured out why.

That little stinker took a peak at his presents.  He has the worst liar face in the history of mankind.  It is a trait that will serve me well into his teenage years.

We told him that we have a video camera set up in the room and we would pull up the footage.

He blamed his brother.  He blamed his best buddy.  He blamed the dog.

But bottom line is, he's BUSTED.

Mr. Yoy and I have both been known to present snoop as children so we aren't necessarily mad at that, we are just upset that he continues to lie about it.


Faces On The Floor

Last week's public library run brought us 31 new books to explore over Thanksgiving break and beyond.

Big E immediately found the non-fiction section and began pulling whole shelves of books down.  His favorite topic these days, is scary stuff.

Spooky Stories, Spooky Places, Paranormal Places, etc., he's in.

We got to work immediately on Spooky Places where we read about all sorts of places I would never like to visit.

Then we read this.

And all hell broke loose.

Full disclosure, it was mostly my fault as I started making spooky noises and then screamed out in a panic that a face had appeared in the hardwoods right by the dishwasher.

Big E was legit scared.  I told him I was only joking, but the damage had been done.

The first night Big E made his way into our bedroom around 3 am.

MOM, I'M REALLY SCARED OF THE FACES ON THE FLOOR.

I felt guilty, so I let him climb into bed for the night.

Over the next few days, he brought up the faces on the floor and asked me multiple times if I believed the story to be true.  I tried my best to assuage his feelings of fear. He wasn't buying it.

MOM, DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU AND ME AND LITTLE E ARE IN A ROOM THAT THERE IS ANOTHER PAIR OF EYES WATCHING US?

He looked over at the amateur cat painting he'd done years ago that hangs proudly in his bedroom.

Um, I didn't, but thanks for planting that seed.  Also, I'm replacing that Satan cat painting as soon as I can.

SOMETIMES WHEN I STARE AT THE PAINTING I CAN SEE THE CAT'S EYES MOVING.

Big E then moved on to ghosts.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

IS OUR HOUSE BUILT ON AN OLD CEMETERY?

He was in our room multiple times last night.  Mr. Yoy even slept half the night in Big E's room with him.

Big E won't leave my side.  I have to go to the bathroom with him, for fear of the bathroom ghost.  Or the closet ghost, or the pantry ghost.

So really what I'm asking is, HOW DO I UNDO THIS DAMAGE?