Monday, January 31, 2011

I don't think you're ready for this jelly...

Today I took the baby yoys to the aquarium.  After we had seen all of the exhibits we decided to eat lunch.

As I perused the food choices, I decided on a turkey sandwich for me and a PB&J sandwich for Big E.  In my mind I pictured him sitting nicely enjoying his little sandwich.  Reality bites.

I was eating my sandwich when Aunt Yoy alerted me to the sandwich massacre happening in the highchair next to me.  I glanced over and saw Big E had pulled apart the bread and was doing a faceplant into the jelly side.  He then proceeded to run his hands over his sticky face.  But it didn't stop there.  For those of you that have ever eaten a meal next to Big E, you know he can be a little touchy/feely.  He jellied me, the table, Cousin Yoy's stroller, and the back of his own head (my personal favorite).

Looking back, I have to say that PB&J was a bad mommy decision.  I'm not sure where my brain was.  Minus one for me.

And now I've got Destiny's Child running through my head.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Waterboarding - It's Not Just for Terrorists

Last night, Mr. Yoy gave me a hall pass.  I was headed out to my college friend's party. Before I was free for the evening, I agreed to help Mr. Yoy get both boys bathed, jammied, and into bed.  We divided up Big E and Little E.

I took Little E and bathed him first.  I was in his room getting him dressed when I heard a commotion in the bathtub.

Big E was repeatedly taking cups full of water and throwing them in his own face as Mr. Yoy prompted him with a countdown 3-2-1!  After each splash he would do a combo of fake choking, rapid blinking, and laughing.

Mr. Yoy found this highly entertaining as he is always encouraging Big E to do crazy and sometimes inappropriate things.  I'm certain that this will all play out in preschool one day and I will receive a call from his teacher that goes something like "Do you know why Big E would insert inappropriate behavior here?".  But alas, this is another blog topic for another day.

Anyway, I guess I'll have to take waterboarding off the list of potential discipline techniques as Big E seemed to enjoy it.  Bummer.

Friday, January 28, 2011

The Boy in the Bubble

When Big E was born, I went germ crazy.  Every soap, hand sanitizer, and wipe I could lay my hands on took up residence in my diaper bag.  If I could have put Big E in a bubble, I so would have.  I wiped every surface he could potentially touch.  If he developed the sniffles or a cough, I took it as a personal failure as a mother.  This continued until he was about 18 months old.

Then, we had "the flight".  I have flown with Big E many times up to this point.  But this was the first time I was flying with him when he was mobile and I was alone and pregnant.  I had done all of the pre-game prep.  Snacks, check.  Stickers, check.  Water, check.  Toys, check.  What I didn't plan for was a flight delay.  My game plan went out the window with that two hour delay.  Now we would be in the air during prime nap time.  I immediately started sweating when we finally boarded.  This was going to be a bloodbath.   I just knew it. And, it was.  Big E's poor behavior met and surpassed every expectation.

Towards the middle of the flight, he dumped his snack cup full of cheerios all over the floor. Awesome.  See-ya cheerios, at least that is what I thought.  Big E was still determined to eat those little circles of delicious goodness.  I had to fight to keep him in my lap and not allow him to reach down to fish the cheerios off the airplane floor.  He went ballistic. Everyone was looking at me.  I had that kid.  I wanted to die.  And then I gave up.  You know what Big E?  Eat your cereal off of the airplane floor that they haven't vacuumed since the plane was put into service.  He did.  And he was quiet.  I said a million amens.

I can now say I am a recovering germaholic.

Today at lunch I let him sit in a booster seat and I didn't even wipe it down.  And I let him eat some of his animal crackers that he laid out on the table.  Take that germs!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Just call me supermom

Both kids are down for the count.  And I mean down for the entire night.  I am punching out on the mommy time clock.  I'll return tomorrow morning around 7:30.  Please hold all of my calls, e-mails, etc.

Hello Jersey Shore!

File This Away

I was pulling together all of our 2010 tax information.  I even made a little file that I kept in the office filing cabinet.  I opened up the drawer to put away some more tax documents when I came upon two pairs of Big E's socks.  I knew I wasn't losing it!  I had been looking for them.  So...this was Big E's stash spot.

Fast forward a few days.  After the little yoys go to sleep I usually spend about 30 minutes trying to undo the daily damage inflicted upon the downstairs area by the two babies.  Little E had had a spectacular day of reflux, so I was collecting all of his dirty clothes to take upstairs.  Where were his socks, bib, pants, and sweatshirt?  I did a lap downstairs.  No clothes.

Then a light bulb went off.  Surely, Big E didn't swipe the dirty clothes, did he?  I walked over to the office and pulled open the filing cabinet.  There, shoved into my 2010 tax file, were Little E's dirty clothes.

I laughed.  That's what I love about Big E.  Even after he is fast asleep, he can still make me laugh.

Too bad I can't itemize the dirty clothes on my Schedule A. (A little accounting humor for my tax colleagues.)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

No Pictures!

I take a lot of pictures of my kids.  I have taken over 7,000 since Big E was born.  I am so worried I am going to miss the perfect smile or the first time they sit up.  I am the first to admit it is overkill and for those of you on my picture distribution list, I apologize.

Yesterday, Big E slipped on Daddy Yoy's shoes and was walking around our bedroom.  It was really funny (well at least to me) so I grabbed the camera and started shooting away.

It was then that I experienced Big E's first expression of annoyance directed at me.  He yelled "No Pictures!"  I felt like I was the paparazzi and he was Charlie Sheen.

Wow, it started so young.  THIS is annoying him?  Oh, does he have a long 16 years ahead of him.  What about when I pick him up from school honking and waving enthusiastically?  (I'm pulling from my own childhood here.)  Or, make Big E and Little E wear matching outfits to school?  (This is in the works!)

Mostly, Daddy Yoy and I are disappointed because we so badly wanted Big E to be a baby model.  Who knew he hated the camera?

Monday, January 24, 2011

You might be an E-Hole when...

1) You rip your soiled diaper off and make an unexplainable mess.

2) You steamroll your defenseless baby brother.

3) You take up all of the floor tiles in your playroom.  Repeatedly.  Like, every day.

4) You throw your dinner all over the floor then sing the clean-up song as your poor, exhausted mother crouches down to pick your food up.

5) You pull all of your neatly folded clothes out of your drawers.

6) You move all of the poodle's food into her water bowl.

7) You throw milk at the Mac screen.

8) You spin your brother in the exersaucer like he is riding on the Mad Tea Party ride at Disney.

Don't get me wrong, I love that Big E, but sometimes I am amazed by his path of destruction.

That is all for now.  Feel free to add on from personal experiences with Big E.

The sweatpants of cars

We are in the market for a new car so I can cart the little Yoys around in a much safer and sweeter ride.

I only have eyes for the minivan.  I have been coveting one since my first outing with Big E. I came out to my car and realized only Kate Moss would be able to slip her way between my car and the car that had parked next to me and still have room to load a baby in a carrier.  I have been known to turn my baby completely sideways in the carrier to navigate him into the car.

My husband has made it very clear that he will never drive a minivan.  Apparently, this is an image killer for him.  He is very concerned about his cool points.  I had to remind him that we are Jewish and that this is an automatic deduction of cool points, minivan or not.

The quest for our next vehicle has caused many heated discussions between us.  This is worse than when we were selecting our children's names or our wedding dishes.  Augustus anyone?

Don't fret friends, it looks like a compromise is in the works.  But, I don't think I'm going to get my minivan after all.  I hopefully will enjoy whatever we end up purchasing.

Don't worry minivan, I still only have eyes for you.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Warning Sign

If I had to put a yellow warning sign on Little E's crib it would be "Watch for falling trucks!"

Poor, sweet Little E.  I heard him stirring from his evening nap and brought Big E upstairs with me for a final diaper change and to get Little E.

Big E ran into Little E's room and gave him what we like to call an "E-hole" wake-up call.  Big E threw his truck into Little E's crib and got him right on the forehead.  I think this was a calculated move.  Big E has been waiting since the barfing episode last night to enact his revenge.  He is smarter than we all give him credit for.  He was probably up all night concocting this plan.

I calmed Little E down and made Big E apologize.  It sort of sounded like a "sorry" so I'll take that as a personal victory.

I'm still a little angry at Big E, but as I'm typing this he is in his crib singing "Happy Birthday to You!"

How can I possibly stay mad at him?

A Day of Firsts

Yesterday was a day of firsts in the Yoyser household.

Little E cut his first tooth.  This explains why his naps have been below par as of late.

Big E had his first major food reaction.  I think it was a walnut he ate at the rockin' Tu B'shevat celebration at preschool.  It started on his face and by the time we arrived home it had spread all over.  It was a perfect storm.  Itchy skin and long fingernails (my bad) made for scratchfest 2011.  He drew blood on his belly.  A straight jacket would have come in handy at this moment.  I, of course, had no Benedryl.  But, I do have an awesome neighbor that ran to CVS for me.  I attempted to cut his nails down and hold his arms to his body to minimize scratching until the drugs were here.

I was worried Big E wouldn't want to drink his medicine, but I just told him it was juice and he was all about it.  He even signed "more" after he had taken his teaspoon shot.  That's my little Yoy... taking shots at the ripe age of two.  He'll make such a great AE Pi.

By evening, he was feeling much better and I was cuddled on the couch with everyone in their jammies. Little E had just finished feeding.  This is prime barf time as this kid throws up more than a pre-teen bulimic girl.  This is when Big E had his final first of the day.  Little E spit up onto Big E's head and it trickled down into his ear.  This was the first time Big E had been barfed on.

That's when I called it.


Big E needed to go to bed before anything else happened to him.  I cleaned up his head and ear and put him down.

Here's hoping today is a better day!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Sleeping with the enemy

Do you remember that movie?  The one with Martin Burney who was Type A to the nth degree?  This movie totally creeped me out.  I would become anxious if I opened my kitchen pantry to find all of the cans aligned just so or all of the hand towels neatly hanging in my bathroom.

Today I had such a Martin Burney moment (if he was a two year old).  I was standing at the sink doing my daily wash of baby bottles and such.  I admit I was daydreaming a little. When I turned around I was shocked to see all eleven of my kitchen drawers completely opened.  Big E was quietly "reading" in his playroom.  I'm just hoping it was actually him...

Is that classical music I hear in the background?

Costco Run

I love Costco.  Do you know why?  Because they have extremely large shopping carts.  So big that I can fit one baby in a carrier in the back and one baby up front, plus actually fit things in the shopping cart.  I use the word "fit" liberally.  I had two big boxes of diapers strategically placed.  It was like a Jenga game.  One wrong move and those size 4s were poised to crush Little E's pretty little head.  But you know what?  I am running dangerously low on diapers and I refuse to be a prisoner in my own home.  

From the other mothers roaming the Costco aisles I received looks of sympathy.  From the general public I received nervous glances.  It's not like I'm trying to give my children to them, but they still stay clear of my path.  That is fine by me as I am supermarket sweeping that place.  T minus 30 minutes until Little E expires and Big E runs out of whatever is in his snack cup.  

At the door, the receipt checker draws a smiley face on the back of our receipt and we are out of there.  This gives Big E something to look at as we navigate the blind people bumps (hold on eggs!) and make our way Frogger style through the parking lot.

I even had a nice man ask if he could take my cart back for me.  He also offered to take Big E for me.  I seriously considered it, but thought the hubs would be mad.  But really, how many Yoys does one person possibly need?

Welcome to my blog!

It's been two years since I became a mom.  When you are pregnant, everyone says how rewarding and wonderful motherhood is.  And it is, don't get me wrong, it is amazing.  But what drove me to blog is to expose the underbelly of motherhood.  The funny and insane things that happen when I am home alone with my kids.  So, instead of unloading the daily list of catastrophes as soon as my husband walks in the door, I am going to release them to this blog. 

I spend the majority of my day talking to two people who either don't understand what I am saying or choose to flat out ignore me.  (I'm fine with that, as sometimes I choose to flat out ignore them).  That being said, I appreciate your comments as I need all the (digital) company I can get.