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Showing posts from November, 2015

Air, Shelter, Water, Food, Comcast

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Yesterday, after at least three months of our Comcast cable laying in the gutter of our street, where countless cement trucks, cranes, and everyday traffic drove over the fraying orange cable, Comcast finally buried that sucker.  They've already been out to replace it once, as our cable was acting up due to damage.  I asked numerous times for it to be buried.  Yesterday was the day.
Things were getting done. I was happy. Until I tried to sneak in a little HGTV before my kids came home from school. And it wasn't working. And neither was my internet. And my home phone (not super important).  And the Comcast guy had vanished like a ghost.
The cable may be out of sight, but it was no longer hooked up to our home.
The Yoys came home and we were busy with homework and life and I wasn't able to call Comcast until after the kids went to sleep.
The customer service rep kindly told me that they'd send a technician out on Monday. 
LIKE SIX DAYS FROM NOW MONDAY?!
Panic sirens bega…

Happy El Greco Eve!

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Tomorrow is Big E's El Greco presentation.

I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous.  What if he gets up there and bombs? It's 50/50 with him.  Mr. Yoy has ice cold nerves when it comes to presenting in front of people.  I, on the other hand, need about two bottles of Chardy before my stellar presentation skills finally emerge. We will see which gene pool runs deeper around 9 AM.

In the meantime, I've been doing some last minute artist costume prep. I never thought I'd be THAT mom. 1) I'm lazy as hell. 2) All my creativity is directed towards my writing.

This is what I'm working with:


For a brief moment, I thought about putting a baldy cap on Big E.  But I didn't want him to get his butt beat at the bus stop.

Instead, I took a sip from the devil's cup. PINTEREST.

I just finished up my Elizabethan collar made of coffee filters, some string, and a hand-crippling hole punch.


It's a little more dramatic than El Greco's, but so is Big E.

W…

Applegate: Our First New Home Scandal

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Last Saturday, we hosted a bunch of friends for the UF vs. Vandy Game (dubbed by Mr. Yoy as the battle of the only two SEC schools the Yoys are allowed to attend).

Now that we have edged into our mid-thirties (ahem), these parties also include lots of children. We had ten little ones roaming around the house, including the Yoys.

I had instructed Big E to be my eyes and ears.  If he saw something that shouldn't be happening (i.e. purchasing movies via Comcast - yes, that happened), please alert me.

One of my main rules is no food out of the kitchen.  But this was a party and I was hitting the Riesling, so I may not have been as sharp as usual.

At some point, Big E snuck an apple up to the playroom. I guess I can't be too upset that he is sneaking fruit, but rules are rules.

What happened next remains fuzzy for all involved, at least for my kids who proclaim complete innocence.

What I found, after the game ended, was a half eaten apple lazily propped up against my formerly white…

Big E as El Greco

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On Tuesday, Big E will turn in his first major school project, complete with character dress-up, tri-fold foam board, and presentation to parents.

The assignment was to choose a famous artist and then compare and contrast the artist to Leonardo DaVinci. (not DiCaprio)

Big E chose El Greco. My art history study was limited to one semester in high school.  I'm ashamed to admit I know very little. Undoubtedly,  I learned just as much as Big E as I read through the El Greco book he brought home from the library.

El Greco is most famous for his paintings of Jesus Christ.  I found this to be an odd choice for a Jewish boy.

BIG E, WHY DID YOU CHOOSE EL GRECO?

Maybe it was his haunting, larger than life figures.  Or the way he up-lit his subjects.  He must have been visually drawn to this guy's work.

THERE IS A COMIC STRIP INSIDE THE BOOK, MOM.  I LIKE COMICS!

So cool. You made your decision based on some amateur comic inside a children's art history book.

I ran to Michael's y…

Mrs. Yoy: In the Nut (and Candy) House

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My kids love to hear stories from when I was young and awesome and in high school.

Yesterday, I told Little E a real yawner about the summer I worked at a candy shop in the mall.

My duties included deep frying cashews, making chocolate covered pretzels, and refilling the candy and nut bins.

It was a pretty pimp job for the summer and paid a very livable salary of $4.25/hour, which I subsidized with eating my weight in all sorts of gummy products.  I'd eat anything in a gummy form. I did not, nor would I, ever discriminate based on size, shape, or color.

With the exception of one piece of candy, which I will refer to from now on as the evil gummy bear.

One evening, as I shoveled fresh gummy bears into the bin (and maybe some into my mouth), I noticed something unusual.  I thought maybe a piece of licorice had found its way into the soft, sweet goodness of the gummy bear bag.

Upon closer examination, it had scary, mean eyebrows and a look that could stop my candy-eating a** dead in …

Mrs. Yoy and the Mold Dome

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This is dedicated to Martha Stewart who makes everything kitchen related look super easy and enjoyable.
For those readers that are lucky enough to know me on a personal level, you know that I possess many talents.  I'm funny.  I'm a clever writer.  I'm tall.  I'm good at math.  I shower semi-regularly.
But there is one thing that I am not known for, and it's my kitchen prowess.  It's not that I don't try. But I'm always trying to make things healthy and that usually sabotages my baking efforts.
One of the two things I am able to bake without burning down the house, are corn muffins. They are a fall favorite for the boys.  I usually double the recipe and then funnel those suckers down my kids' throats everytime they eek out an "I'M HUNGRY!"
By about day four of the muffins, Big E has started grumbling.
I DON'T WANT ANYMORE MUFFINS!
He's basically morphed into a giant piece of cornbread.
But like any good mother, I'm still pushing t…