Thursday, June 30, 2011

Things I would rather do than travel with two kids on an airplane:

1) Natural Childbirth

2) Public Speaking

3) Streaking

4) Filling cavities

5) Eliminating Caffeine

6) Dealing with auto mechanics on a regular basis

Today was bad, real bad.  We made it to NY in one piece, but I was hating life on that airplane.  I'm too exhausted to go into the details, but I will share later.

Believe it or not, Big E won best behaved.  And no one napped, except for Mr. Yoy.

Anyone want to add to my list?  Just think of the worst thing in the world you'd have to deal with.

Ok, go!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Turning the corner

Big E dumped out all of his blocks to build a castle.  When he was finished with his blocks I asked him to please put them back in their bin.  Without so much as an objection, he started singing the Clean-up song and put all of his blocks back.

I almost fainted.  It has been a constant battle of wills with him. Unfortunately for him, I am ranked in the Top 5 for most stubborn human on the planet, so I always win.

I praised him and told him what a good clean up job he was doing. I really was so proud, I can't put it into words.  It is like seeing all of your hard work finally come to fruition.

I feel like we have definitely turned the corner.  Don't get me wrong, he still ignores me plenty, but I feel like I am chipping away at his two year old armor.

We leave tomorrow for my brother's wedding in NY.  I have been dangling this as a prize for about two months.

For example:  If you don't let me change your diaper, you can't go to NY.  Instant diaper change.

I'll be sad when I lose that leverage.  But I am hopeful.

Monday, June 27, 2011

When the lights go down...

On Big E's head.

I had just brought both Yoys upstairs to wind down before nap time.  They were playing nicely.  Big E grabbed his bear out of his crib and was swinging him around.  He launched bear up in the air and he landed behind the couch, just out of Big E's reach.

At that moment, I realized that I had to use the restroom, pronto.  Those two Coke Zeros I had ingested earlier in the day to keep me awake had gone right through me.  As I walked into our bathroom I told Big E I would get bear for him in a minute.

Then I heard it.  A loud crash.  I ran into the bonus room and there was the floor lamp lying on its side.  It had taken off some wall paint on its journey from standing next to the couch to its current position.

I assessed the damage.  Besides the wall, no children or lamps were hurt.  Big E was crying hysterically. I think it scared him and he knew he was in big-time trouble.  Not to be left out, Little E started crying, too.

They were both crying.  Why does this keep happening?  I check my watch.  It has only been 43 minutes since the babysitter left.  Why do I feel like this day has been an eternity?

I grab Little E and try to soothe him while I explain to Big E in my best mommy voice that I am only upset with him because the lamp could have fallen on him.  I explained to him that the lamp was off limits.

The Yoy unison crying continued.  I decided there was no greater time than the present to start nap time.

Do you hear that?

Silence.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Tomorrow

Tonight we grabbed an early dinner with Uncle Yoy and Cousin Yoy.  As we paid up our bill, we asked Big E when he would see Uncle Yoy again.  This is our tricky way to get him to sing "Tomorrow" from the musical Annie.

On cue, he started singing.  At first he was Shy Ronnie, but his confidence grew as he realized the whole table was captivated by his performance along with our server and a few other servers watching him from across the empty room.

Little E was giggling as anything Big E does is hilarious to him.  By round five of "Tomorrow," Big E had quite the audience.  Everyone within earshot was laughing and smiling, including all of us Yoys.  It was amazing.  He was so proud of himself.

Cousin Yoy began clapping.  She was very impressed with Big E's performance.

Our server asked us if we had just watched Annie.

Nope.

Why would she even ask that?

Friday, June 24, 2011

Fire Marshall Bill

Little E is teething in a big way.  I can tell he is very uncomfortable. The two main symptoms of his teething are his unusual fussiness and this face he keeps making.

He curls his lips inward like he is a shriveled up, gummy old man. Then he starts smacking his gums.  I was watching him do this and thought, wow he looks vaguely familiar to me.  Why is that?

Then it hit me!  He looks like Jim Carrey's famous Fire Marshall Bill character.  It is uncanny.

"Lemme show you something!" - Hopefully not Little E's first words.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Word Association

Let's play a game.

When I say Little E what comes to mind?

Did you say skinny jeans?  Good and accurate guess!

Today I bought Little E his first pair of skinny jeans.  Granted, I bought him a 2T hoping I can pull them up over his thighs.  This and some butter to grease up his legs should guarantee they slide right on.

Who can really pull off these jeans anyway?  I know they are either loved or hated by women everywhere.  Rock stars, maybe.  Skinny crackheads, for sure.  And now, Little E.

He is going to be one stylish baby and I can't wait to see him wearing them.

Wish me luck!

Little E legs circa April 2011

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

It's Raining Cats and Dogs!

Big E just reported this to me.  This phrase is not in my normal weather repertoire.  I'm wondering where he picked that up.

Maybe he'll be a weatherman!

Watch out Chesley!

Vomit: This week's theme at the Yoy house

Suspect: Big E
Height: Somewhere around 3 feet
Weight: Pushing 30 lbs, if he's lucky
Time: 12:45 am
Date: Sunday, June 19th

I had been asleep for about an hour.  Mr. Yoy was watching some crazy movie in bed.  He nudged me to say that he thought he heard Big E.  I came out of my coma for a moment, mumbled something, and fell back asleep.  Moments later I hear Mr. Yoy galloping down the hall to Big E's room.  Then I hear Mr. Yoy screaming for me.  I bolt out of bed and run into Big E's room.  Big E is crying hysterically.  From what I can see, there is vomit all over himself and his crib.  Dang!  I forgot my glasses.  I run back into our room, grab them, and run back into Big E's room.  Super mommy to the rescue!  Mr. Yoy starts the tub.  I bring Big E into the bathroom and stand him at the toilet in case there is anything left.  He is shaking uncontrollably.  It is pathetic.  He is done.  Mr. Yoy bathes him while I strip his bed and wash everything.  Big E relays how he threw up in his bed and saw Craisins.  They were actually half digested blueberries, but I give him points for looking.  I usually have an ironclad stomach, but the smell and the visual are making me queasy.  Mr. Yoy casually mentions that he dropped Big E when he first ran in there because when he picked him up, he didn't realize Big E was covered in vomit.  We read a couple of books and Big E goes back to bed and that is the end of the episode.  I, of course, couldn't fall back asleep until 4 am because my mommy adrenaline was through the roof.

Suspect: Little E
Height:  A little over two feet
Weight: Pushing 30lbs, I'm sure
Time: 7:45 am
Date: June 20

I was feeding Little E his morning bottle.  He was laying in my lap all relaxed.  He was about finished with his bottle when he gagged and out came three huge surges of formula.  It started pooling on the couch.  I screamed for Mr. Yoy and a giant towel.  He came running downstairs to the rescue.  We comment on how gross our kids are becoming.  We throw Little E in the tub and rinse him off.  Poodle gets to work on any formula I have missed.  She is nasty.

Suspect:  Little E
Height: A little over two feet
Weight: Pushing 30lbs, I'm sure
Time: 7:00 pm
Date: June 21st

I had just fed Little E his dinner.  It started out as a hard boiled egg, sweet potato, and avocado.  It ended up a blended mess that was perfectly coating Little E's face, hands, and hair.  I was taking him upstairs to give him a much needed hose down.  I must have pressed on his stomach, because out came part of dinner.  Good lord, I cannot get a break this week!  Again, Poodle was right there to clean up.  Note: a warning for friends that come over - don't let this dog lick you, just saying.  Little E started crying, which continued through bath time.  I started sweating.  There is something about your baby crying nonstop which really stresses you out.  Big E did not help.  His tub antics included dumping cups of water on Little E's head.  

Suspect: Poodle
Height: 14 inches at shoulder
Weight: Too much
Time: Unsure
Date: Unsure

And last, but not least, the dog.  She has been leaving me little piles all over the upstairs carpet.  They are small, but they stain if I don't find them right away.  I'm seriously debating leaving the front door open and just seeing what happens...

I'm praying the remainder of the week stays vomit-free.  I can stomach a lot of crazy stuff, but even Mrs. Yoy hits her limit.

On a side note, I'm in the market for a poncho.  

Monday, June 20, 2011

Roughhousing with Mr. Yoy

There was a segment on the Today Show last week about how important roughhousing between dads and their kids is.  It leads to confident, resilient, fast-thinking, problem-solving children.

If this is the case, my kids are going to be the most confident, resilient, fast-thinking, problem-solving children on the planet.

The next time Mr. Yoy is tossing up Big E dangerously close to the ceiling fan or hanging him from his ankles and  tic-tocking him back and forth like a grandfather clock, I'm going to take a deep breath and walk away.

I will suppress the following words:

You are going to decapitate Big E!


or


He is going to vomit all over the place!


At least I will try to.

Pop Rocks

True Story

We were at a pool party on Saturday and I was walking around with Little E.  Big E ran up to me crying.  I asked him what was wrong.  Mr. Yoy, who was hot on his heels, said:

Maybe it's the pop rocks I gave him.


What?  You gave a two year old pop rocks?

Friday, June 17, 2011

Frozen Meatballs: It's not what's for dinner

Dinner time yesterday was its usual cluster.  Little E was in the highchair crying for his food.  Big E was under my feet.  I was frantically pulling food out of the fridge.  I flung open the freezer to grab a bag of frozen vegetables when a tupperware full of frozen meatballs took a suicidal leap.  It glanced off of Big E's head and then exploded on the floor.  Who knew that frozen tupperware shattered like glass?

Big E started screaming.  I picked him up and tried to comfort him.  Bad frozen meat balls!  I had two screaming kids.  Ugh.  In the meantime, the poodle was there to lick the frozen meat.  She is good for nothing.  I put Big E down and told him not to move as I cleaned up all the pieces of tupperware.

Mr. Yoy was more upset that I had to throw out the meatballs than the fact that Big E was injured in the event.

Today, I am going to reorganize the freezer to avoid future food catastrophes.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Casey Anthony Trial: I can't stop watching

It is like a soap opera.

There are some seriously messed up people involved in this trial.  The whole thing is very sad and sometimes I feel like the personalities overshadow the fact that a little girl was murdered.

Watching the trial, I have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that Casey Anthony stoically sits there and rarely tears up.

While there are days that I am so frustrated that I lock myself in the bathroom for my own time out, I cannot imagine the thought of something happening to the little Yoys.  I would lose my mind and "tot mom" (shout out to Nancy Grace!) is so calm.  It is eerie to me.

Personally, I think she did it.  I know they don't have that much evidence, but if anything, she should be convicted for being the world's crappiest mother.

That is all, sorry for the tangent.  I'm back to HLN.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Camp - Day 2

We lured Big E to the car today by telling him he was going with Mr. Yoy to work.  Mr. Yoy came with us to drop Big E off.

As soon as we exited the highway, Big E knew he was in trouble.  He started crying "no school! no school!" and then "Daddy work!  Daddy work!"

It was pathetic. It made me so sad.  Mr. Yoy walked Big E (I mean carried a screaming boy) into camp. The good news is that his preschool teacher is at camp today.  Hopefully she can help soothe him.

I felt awful.

I haven't received a call from his counselor, so hopefully he calmed down.

Pick up is in a few hours.  I'll see what he says today.

As promised - details of the 12 hour ride

The trip from my parents' house to our house is 590 miles, door-to-door.  Not undoable in a day, but just a very long day.

Factor in two kids and a poodle with killer breath and it makes for a house of horrors on wheels.

Leg 1: Palm Beach Gardens to Gotha
We started out about 15 minutes behind schedule, mostly because Big E had a last minute poop right when we were loading him up.  Foul on him.  This leg of the journey was uneventful.  No stops.  Big E had a snack and Little E took a nap.  We were fresh and had ice cold Coke Zeros.  We could take on the world.

Leg 2: Gotha to Ocala
We spent a few hours in Gotha visiting with the extended Yoy family.  Big E had a great time playing with his Grandpop.  We had lunch together and then loaded everyone back up.  We made it about an hour and a half until traffic on 75 came to a stop.  Some guy trailing his boat dumped the boat onto the highway.  Awesome.  Thank goodness we are semi-familiar with the area as we jumped off the highway, gassed up, and got back on a few miles north.  Time lost: 30 minutes.  At this point we are running about an hour behind schedule.  I can live with this.

Leg 3:  Ocala to Gainesville
I know you are thinking, wait, that is only like 30 miles.  Yes, we are aware of that.  But are you aware that there is a Pita Pit in Gainesville?  The gravitational pull was too strong.  I released the steering wheel and that minivan just drove itself to the PP parking lot.  Even though we had eaten lunch 3 hours earlier, we had to indulge.  Big E even got a free cookie for having such good manners while ordering.  I was so proud.

Leg 4: Gainesville to some random town in Georgia
This part of the trip is awful.  We counted the anti-abortion billboards to pass the time.  We counted twelve.  We concluded there must be some crazy sh*t going on in North Florida.  The small towns all run together.  The battery on Big Es DVD player dies.  We turn the music up really loud to drown out his constant chatter.  Little E is an angel, as always.  No one naps.  Not even Mrs. Yoy.  Poodle is breathing her death breath in my direction.  It smells like rot.  I gag.

Leg 5: Random GA Town to Mr. Yoy's office
We gas up one final time.  Little E has a major poonami requiring a diaper change.  Gas station attendant gives me a dirty look when I throw said poonami in the trash at the gas station.  We are starting to feel like we are never going to get home.  Big E is whining away in the way back seat.  He keeps dropping items: giraffe, water, stickers, crayons!  If we do not climb back there to retrieve the item Big E immediately turns on the tears.  I search feverishly for an ejection button.  Can't we just launch this kid out of here?  I climb in back to feed Little E his bottle.  Wait, we are only in Forsyth?  How can that be?

Leg 6:  Mr. Yoy's office to our home
I drop Mr. Yoy off to pick up his car.  I head home.  I could do this drive in my sleep.  It is about 15 minutes, but tonight it feels like hours.  We finally make it home. Twelve plus hours later.  I want to crawl into bed, but now I must unload the car and pull out items we need for bedtime.  Sound machines, sheep, bear, Elmo, duck, other duck, other other duck!

We are flying to NY in a few weeks.  If Big E does well on the flight, his first in an actual seat, our days of driving down to South Florida may be over.  And that will be fine by me.

Monday, June 13, 2011

"I Cried"

This was the answer I received from Big E when I asked him how his first day of camp went.  Not the answer I was looking for, but it was something I already knew.  I saw him crying as I left him.

So within moments of picking him up he told me he was upset and that he cried.  I am definitely getting my money's worth out of this camp.

I asked him if he had fun.  Big E responded yes.

I asked him if he went swimming.  Big E responded yes.

I asked him if he went running in the sprinklers.  Big E responded yes.

I asked him if he jumped off a bridge.  Big E responded yes.

Yikes, this kid is either a mega liar or this is an extreme adventures camp for 2 year olds.

He did tell me he took a bath at camp and ate carrots.  This could be true.  I am in the midst of emailing his counselor so I can get the whole story.  His version is just not cutting it.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

We're baaaccckkk!

Just a quick note to let you know the Yoy family is back in the ATL.  We made the 600 mile trip back today with exciting stops in such towns as Gotha, Ocala, and Gainesville.

It was a very, very, very long 12 hours and we are so glad to be home.

I'll post details of the trip later, it is just too soon to really talk about it.  The wounds are too fresh.

"This is only a 60 minute plane ride" - Mr. Yoy

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Showering with the Karate Kid

I was taking a shower in my parents bathroom.  I left the door to the bathroom open as I know I have forfeited all privacy via my children.  Big E was in there within two seconds of me turning on the water.

The shower door glass is frosted so I can only see a vague shadow of Big E.  But he narrates everything he is doing, so I know he is there.

I hear him rambling about paper towels and cleaning up water.  I'm not sure where he got the paper towels or why there would be water as the shower is enclosed.  I see lots of movement through the glass.  What is going on out there?

I open up the shower door a smidge and see that Big E has pulled all of the toilet paper off the roll and is vigorously wiping the floor.  Yikes.  I yell for reinforcements, Grandma.  She comes in and takes all of the "paper towels" away from Big E.

About the time I am washing my face he realizes he can reach the light switches in this place.  Score!

He proceeds to say "Light on!  Light off!"  for the remainder of my shower.  The lights flicker on, the lights flicker off.  Hey, am I at my parents house or a Miami nightclub?

As I rinse out my conditioner I think wow, this sure was an enjoyable shower.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Cooling off in South Florida

Me and the baby yoys are visiting my folks for a few days.  Oddly enough it is about ten degrees cooler here than in the ATL.  We are enjoying the break in the heat.

Big E is obsessed with the "lake" behind my parents house so we have been taking twice daily walks down there to identify birds and other things I'm pretty sure he is not actually seeing in the lake such as sheep.

Little E has shown his first interest in crawling.  The motivating factor is a Palm Beach magazine.  What can I say, this kid has class.

We miss everyone in the ATL and we'll report back later on our trip.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Mrs. Yoy interesting factoid of the day

Big E and Little E wear the same size diaper.

One is 2.5 years and one is 10 months.

Try and wrap your brain around that.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Teething

Little E is cutting a million teeth this week.  I know that isn't physically possible, it just seems like it.

Today, he was trying to chew on the wall.

My kid literally eats paint.  He is that kid!



I need to get him some chew toys, STAT!

My Inner Rage

I feel like everyone has a finite amount of patience.  I have always been blessed in the patience department, but these days it is quickly spent on my children.

Today we had to abandon 285 due to a wreck and were taking the back roads home.  There was a motorcyclist that exited the highway behind me.  I had a moment of pity for him.  As I peered at him through the rear view mirror I saw him unzip his jacket and try and cool himself off a bit.  Temperatures here are approaching 100 degrees and I cannot imagine wearing a jacket.  Anyway, that moment passed quickly.

When the light turned green we both made lefts and he quickly did a zippity move to cut me off and get in front of me.  Unfortunately for him we both got stuck at the next light.  I'd just like to say that I get really upset when people drive irresponsibly now that I'm carting around the Yoys.  Yes, I have a big car with all of the latest safety features, but I am still wary of the ATL drivers.

As we are sitting at this red light my inner rage starts burning in my belly.  Was his move really necessary with my two babies in the car?  So, being the mature, careful mother that I am, I started inching up on his little Honda.  I promise you it took all of my willpower not to slam on my accelerator and just flatten him like a pancake.

Then I would say something really cool like...

Oh, I don't know.  I can never think of something clever to say.

But I would feel so much better knowing him and his motorcycle would think twice before pulling that move again.  Especially to one Mrs. Yoy.