We decided to play a "friendly" game of monopoly. Big E loves the hell out of some Monopoly. He will wake up in the middle of the night and play a game by himself. He sets up two players and plays himself.
MOM, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I LIKE TO PLAY IN MONOPOLY!
He's buttering me up and I like it. Also, I think I'm the only one gullible enough to play with him. I have yet to beat Big E at Monopoly. He has a strategy and he consistently applies it to crush my soul.
YOU KEEP ME FROM CHEATING. WITHOUT YOU MOM, MY BODY JUST SAYS CHEAT, CHEAT, CHEAT.
I swallow hard. I think my child just admitted that when he sets up his solo insomnia Monopoly games, he cheats. Who cheats when they are playing themselves?
I'm raising a morally bankrupt human, and he has already decided his fate at the ripe old age of six. Big E is the next crooked banker who in 2065 will clean out the rich and famous of Palm Beach and Manhattan a la Bernie Madoff.
Two take-aways from today's conversation.
1) If Big E asks to invest your money in a fund with a guaranteed ROR of 50% per year, I'd strap on my Nikes and run.
2) If you ignore my advice and still invest with him, I know nothing. Now please step out of my $10 million condo. I've got some shopping to do.