Monday, April 20, 2015

Big E: His Cheating Heart

This afternoon Big E came home with zero homework.  Which was FINE BY ME.

We decided to play a "friendly" game of monopoly.  Big E loves the hell out of some Monopoly.  He will wake up in the middle of the night and play a game by himself.  He sets up two players and plays himself.

MOM, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I LIKE TO PLAY IN MONOPOLY!

He's buttering me up and I like it. Also, I think I'm the only one gullible enough to play with him.  I have yet to beat Big E at Monopoly.  He has a strategy and he consistently applies it to crush my soul.

YOU KEEP ME FROM CHEATING.  WITHOUT YOU MOM, MY BODY JUST SAYS CHEAT, CHEAT, CHEAT.

I swallow hard.  I think my child just admitted that when he sets up his solo insomnia Monopoly games, he cheats.  Who cheats when they are playing themselves?

I'm raising a morally bankrupt human, and he has already decided his fate at the ripe old age of six. Big E is the next crooked banker who in 2065 will clean out the rich and famous of Palm Beach and Manhattan a la Bernie Madoff.

Two take-aways from today's conversation.

1) If Big E asks to invest your money in a fund with a guaranteed ROR of 50% per year, I'd strap on my Nikes and run.

2) If you ignore my advice and still invest with him, I know nothing.  Now please step out of my $10 million condo.  I've got some shopping to do.


AND FORGOT ABOUT EVEN SUGGESTING THAT HE IS CHEATING.  POUT CITY.



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