I'm harboring a criminal.
Sunday's family outing included a torturous (for Big and Little E) swing through a bulk candy store.
Unlimited, accessible candy all at eye level.
MOM, IS THIS HEAVEN?
I wanted to answer yes, but I brushed off the suggestion. Everyone knows that heaven has unlimited white wine and pizza and no one ever gets fat.
I left the store with the Yoys in tow while Mr. Yoy lingered behind eyeballing the life-sized gummy bears.
I looked down at Big E. Why was he chewing the cud? I grabbed his face and took a look inside his sweet smelling mouth. It was candy corn city in there.
BIG E! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT CANDY CORN? DID YOU STEAL IT FROM THE STORE?
Big E went on the defensive. He swore to both Mr. Yoy and I that he didn't steal anything.
A LADY PUT IT IN MY MOUTH!
This is your strategy? Pretend there is some creepy lady in the candy store force feeding candy corn to all the children? (After telling this story to my friend Lady J, she agreed that while this theory is a long-shot, I should not write off the crazy grandma suspect).
Mr. Yoy was about to drag a visibly upset Big E back into the store to confess his crime and face his punishment. Instead, he went back in solo and bought a bag of candy hot tamales, which he disguised as cherry Mike & Ike's.
Big E grabbed three and shoved them in his mouth. He chewed twice. Then he began screaming and crying. He spit them out into my hand.
THEY ONLY SERVE HOT TAMALES IN JAIL. REMEMBER THAT THE NEXT TIME YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT TAKING SOMETHING WITHOUT PAYING.
For a child that thinks pineapple is spicy, this was the perfect punishment.
I've let the events of Sunday stew for a few days and I'm not sure if I'm more upset that Big E stole candy corn or that he continued to lie about it for the better part of an hour.
Either way, I hope this is just a blip on the radar and not the signal of the beginning of Big E's moral decay.
Popular posts from this blog
Hi folks! A quick note from Mrs. Yoy as I know it's been awhile. For those that know me personally, you know that I've been very vocal in unsuccessfully convincing the Cobb County School board to change their COVID policies, which to this day, remain a steaming pile of sh*t. We follow zero health guidelines and figuring out the quarantine policy is akin to solving that math problem from Good Will Hunting. I will be publishing the letters I've sent to the board and Superintendent over the last 18 days of school. I've heard back from my representative, who is lovely, and my pediatric dentist who also serves on the board, but it's been crickets from the voting block of four and the Superintendent, Chris Ragsdale. Apparently, he's too busy pumping iron and self-tanning. Anyway, enjoy. HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! (E-mail sent on August 2, 2021) Good morning from East Cobb! As a long time resident, I am writing you this morning to plead with you to reconsider the mask
I have seen Mr. Yoy a total of 8 awake hours over the past week, with the majority of it coming last night when we hired a sitter and went over to the Dwood Yoysers to visit with my brand new nephew. Mr. Yoy is killing it at work. He is working crazy long hours and with NBA players now trademarking their eyebrows, I may never see Mr. Yoy again. Anyway, I'll admit it. I'm bored. And, a little lonely. I try to put the kiddos to bed at a reasonable hour, and then I have a few hours to tool around the house. I can only eat so much ice cream and watch so much Say Yes to the Dress before my brain begins melting and slowly slides out of my ears. Tonight, I spent 30 plus minutes on the phone with a stranger that was contemplating buying my bar stools I had for sale on Craigslist. We were chatting it up about how hard it was to find the right bar stools. The ones I am selling are pretty nice, solid stools. My one complaint is that they have wicker seats and if you look c
Good Morning from Quarantine-land in East Cobb. I am writing to you, as I have numerous times since the first day of school on August 2nd, to plead with you to reinstate the mask mandate in Cobb County Schools. I spent yesterday talking to my son through a bedroom door. We have been trying to limit contact between him and the rest of our family, as he received his first close contact letter on Tuesday. A COVID positive boy that sits at his table in class, MASKLESS , breathed on my son for an hour on Monday morning. Thankfully, my son was wearing his mask. We will go tomorrow to get tested for COVID. Currently, our days consist of temperature checks, CTLS checks, and a few massive meltdowns sprinkled in. As my son sobbed through the door, he relayed how stressed he was, worried about missing class while his assignments piled up. As I tried to soothe his troubled soul, I thought of you all. You did this. You own this terrible, gutless decision. My son then told me he is being teased at