I'm harboring a criminal.
Sunday's family outing included a torturous (for Big and Little E) swing through a bulk candy store.
Unlimited, accessible candy all at eye level.
MOM, IS THIS HEAVEN?
I wanted to answer yes, but I brushed off the suggestion. Everyone knows that heaven has unlimited white wine and pizza and no one ever gets fat.
I left the store with the Yoys in tow while Mr. Yoy lingered behind eyeballing the life-sized gummy bears.
I looked down at Big E. Why was he chewing the cud? I grabbed his face and took a look inside his sweet smelling mouth. It was candy corn city in there.
BIG E! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT CANDY CORN? DID YOU STEAL IT FROM THE STORE?
Big E went on the defensive. He swore to both Mr. Yoy and I that he didn't steal anything.
A LADY PUT IT IN MY MOUTH!
This is your strategy? Pretend there is some creepy lady in the candy store force feeding candy corn to all the children? (After telling this story to my friend Lady J, she agreed that while this theory is a long-shot, I should not write off the crazy grandma suspect).
Mr. Yoy was about to drag a visibly upset Big E back into the store to confess his crime and face his punishment. Instead, he went back in solo and bought a bag of candy hot tamales, which he disguised as cherry Mike & Ike's.
Big E grabbed three and shoved them in his mouth. He chewed twice. Then he began screaming and crying. He spit them out into my hand.
THEY ONLY SERVE HOT TAMALES IN JAIL. REMEMBER THAT THE NEXT TIME YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT TAKING SOMETHING WITHOUT PAYING.
For a child that thinks pineapple is spicy, this was the perfect punishment.
I've let the events of Sunday stew for a few days and I'm not sure if I'm more upset that Big E stole candy corn or that he continued to lie about it for the better part of an hour.
Either way, I hope this is just a blip on the radar and not the signal of the beginning of Big E's moral decay.
Popular posts from this blog
Hi folks! A quick note from Mrs. Yoy as I know it's been awhile. For those that know me personally, you know that I've been very vocal in unsuccessfully convincing the Cobb County School board to change their COVID policies, which to this day, remain a steaming pile of sh*t. We follow zero health guidelines and figuring out the quarantine policy is akin to solving that math problem from Good Will Hunting. I will be publishing the letters I've sent to the board and Superintendent over the last 18 days of school. I've heard back from my representative, who is lovely, and my pediatric dentist who also serves on the board, but it's been crickets from the voting block of four and the Superintendent, Chris Ragsdale. Apparently, he's too busy pumping iron and self-tanning. Anyway, enjoy. HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! (E-mail sent on August 2, 2021) Good morning from East Cobb! As a long time resident, I am writing you this morning to plead with you to reconsider the mask
Good morning from East Cobb! I am following up on an email I sent yesterday morning, to which I received zero responses. As a long time resident, I am writing you this morning to plead with you to reconsider the mask policy for Cobb County schools this year. I’ve been speaking with many parents and we are stressed and saddened by the lack of consideration and communication from the board regarding the recent surge of Covid. In case you wanted to know, I can also see the future. And in two weeks when we are all at home, virtual again, with sick kids, teachers, bus drivers and others in quarantine, I will be thinking of you and your total disregard for the health of our children and our families. Look, we all make judgment mistakes. We all have a crazy family member spreading conspiracy theories. But we don’t let these people and/or the internet comments section guide our work decisions. Gosh, I can’t imagine if I let my dad’s view of our income tax system influence how I prepared tax r
Today Big E told a lady in the mall that he threw up in his crib. She gave him an odd look and asked him to repeat himself. No need for repeating, I knew exactly what he said. Why he is still talking about this, I'm not sure. It was three months ago. It hasn't happened since, I'm pretty sure Mr. Yoy and I cleaned up the entire mess. Move on, Big E. Next topic, please.