Monday, October 7, 2013

Big E: Picture Perfect

Tomorrow is picture day at Big E's elementary school.

A few weeks back, we received the photographer's flyer which included a choice of six backgrounds.

All six options are losers.  Fireworks, creepy lockers, some weird Star Wars sh*t, and my personal favorite (and instigator of this entry), the Christmas Tree with all the trimmings.

I mistakenly sat down with Big E tonight to go over his choices.  I was hoping when I revisited the flyer that a miracle had occurred and there was now a plain background available.  No such luck, friends.

Big E saw the Christmas Tree and his eyes lit up.

OOOOOH MOM, I WANT THE CHRISTMAS TREE!!

I sighed.  Heavily.  We have touched on the whole Jewish thing in years past, but I knew this year would be a challenge.  Big E spent three glorious years in a bubble at a Jewish preschool.  Now he was at public school and probably one of a handful of Jewish children there.

BIG E.  WE'RE JEWISH.  WE DON'T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS.

The truth wasn't enough for him.

BUT THE TREE IS SO PRETTY!  PLEASE CAN I HAVE THE CHRISTMAS TREE BACKGROUND?  PLEASE?  PLEASE!  PLEASE?

Then the tears started.  Big, wet, heartbreaking ones.

I feel for the kid, I do.  I can recall the exact moment when I realized I wasn't like everyone else in my class.  And I hated being different.  (I was already left-handed and now this?!)

I did my best to calm him and try to explain that while Christmas is pretty much the most awesome and amazing holiday that ever existed, there are some redeeming things about being Jewish, too.

Below is an excerpt from my list:

1) Vegas on Christmas is the bomb.  It isn't very crowded and you can get into most restaurants without a resi.  (This is for later in life, obviously.)

2)  Your sense of humor will be legendary.

3)  You have zero expectation of being athletic.

4)  You can eat bagels with abandonment and no one will judge you.

5) "Oy Vey" is the greatest expression ever strung together.  Use it freely.

The only thing that peaked his interest was the part about bagels.  What can I say?  The boy loves some bread.

My game plan is to fill out the picture form without Big E and hope he forgets all about the tree by the time we receive the finished product.

Now that I've seen a glimpse of what December will hold, I'm going to prepare myself for the many forthcoming religious discussions.

Oy. Vey.



Far right is the tree that started it all.  But I'm thinking Star Wars Galaxy shot and maybe put him in a storm trooper's costume?  Yes?






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