Screams, cries, coughing, and sneezing fill my ears.
Is this the doctor's office or some sort of modern day torture chamber.
After a brief wait, Dr. K comes in. She begins to chat up Big E. I start to tense up, as I never know what crazy sh*t will come out of his mouth.
Fresh off filling out this lifestyle checklist, on which I claimed Big E eats many servings of fruits and veggies a day, because he does, Big E feels the need to share the following gems with Dr. K.
1) MY MOM GIVES ME BROWNIES ALL THE TIME.
I feel my cheeks turning red. I try and defend myself.
OH, ONE OF THE GIRLS IN MY BOOK CLUB BROUGHT THEM OVER ON SUNDAY AND I GAVE BIG E 1/2 OF ONE AFTER DINNER LAST NIGHT. (All true, by the way).
I never keep awesome stuff like brownies in our house, because I would eat them. The idea of a special treat over here is a Special K bar.
2) MY DAD HAD A MEETING LAST NIGHT AND BROUGHT ME HOME A BAG FULL OF CHEESE!
Again, I feel my cheeks flaring up. But this one is on Mr. Yoy and cheese is way better than brownies, isn't it?
I had no comeback for that one.
I looked at Big E and silently implored him to tell his doctor about all the healthy things I feed him. He says nothing.
Big E checked out great and then Dr. K dropped the shot bomb on him.
In one brief moment, he transformed from an engaging little boy into one, hot mess.
I DON'T WANT ANY SHOTS! PLEASE, MOM! PLEASE, DR. K., PLEASE, NO SHOTS.
Screams, tears, the full tantrum experience. Dr. K quietly slipped out, as she is not the shot lady. In walked the nurse, AKA the shot lady.
I lifted a flailing Big E onto the table. He was kicking and screaming and pleading. He got me good a few times. Again, combat pay, where are you?
I was in charge of one arm, while the nurse was in charge of the other arm. It took multiple attempts to administer the shots because Big E kept freeing himself and pushing the nurse away. He may only weigh in at 35 pounds, but he is one strong little Yoyser.
In the midst of this madness, I experienced deja vu. I clearly remember doing this to my nurse when I was close to Big E's age. Hello, karma, good to see you again.
The nurse finished up, but Big E kept on screaming. It took a full ten minutes before he settled down.
As we walked out, Big E continued to simmer and ramble on about never having to get another shot. Ever. All the parents that passed by gave me a sympathetic smile and nod.
It was bad, but it was over. And, I even managed to avoid the lollipop trap. At least I dodged that sugar-coated bullet.
The Opposite of What Went Down