July has started off with a BANG!
After tormenting me for days with his tooth, Big E finally wiggled that sucker out with minimal blood and gore. Thank goodness!
The relief was temporary as then I remembered the next part in this process: the tooth fairy.
I googled the going rate for the tooth fairy these days, because I am a 90 year old trapped in a late 30s body. And guess what?! It's well over $3. Per tooth.
First, let me thank the good lord that he is not a shark, because this $3+ per tooth nonsense would get expensive. Fast. If I'm forced to choose between funding this tooth fairy thing or new curtains in the house, the curtains will win every damn time. Sorry.
Second, I'd like to thank Greece for its inability to keep itself from defaulting on loans and causing a massive tremor in the world's financial markets, including our own. Things here are shaky, folks. That's why I've deemed fifty cents to be an appropriate (and fiscally conservative) tooth fairy amount. He's not in school right now and has no frame of reference. Things may change once he starts comparing notes with the other first graders and finds out his mom is a scrooge. But for now, fifty cents it is.
Now that the bounty has been decided, I have to work on the logistics of the tooth swap. I really want this to be magical for him. Mostly because we don't do Santa and the Elijah thing is sort of creepy. He doesn't bring gifts, he just drinks all your wine. Essentially, he's me.
The tooth fairy will give him a sense of magic. That feeling I had when I would wake up and reach under my pillow and feel the cold metal quarters my folks, ahem, I mean the tooth fairy had left for me. I can still feel the excitement!
This operation must be seamless. There are a few complications. Their bedroom door is mad thirsty for some WD-40 and when I open it, it sounds like I'm opening up a haunted house. What if this wakes him up as I creep in? What if Little E, who shares a room with Big E, wakes up and sees me? What if I get the giggles, which I ALWAYS do, at inappropriate moments? What if I can't find the flippin' tooth and I stand there for hours running my hand underneath Big E's head? What if I straight up forget and then Big E wakes up in the morning to his abandoned tooth?
I'm getting heart palpitations just thinking about it. I have the tooth fairy sweats! I was Mr. Yoy was here. He's so much cooler under pressure.
I'll report back in the am. Wish me luck!
Popular posts from this blog
Day 65. I first want to say Happy Birthday to my best friend who would have been 44 today. I found a funny email exchange we had with each other back when we both first had our babies and had zero clue as to what we were doing. DOES THIS THING COME WITH AN OWNER'S MANUAL? The buildup has been immense, but this was the actual last day of school here in Cobb. Big E had his final Zoom call with his class. His teacher put together a video of them with baby pictures mixed in with their current pictures and I stood over Big E's shoulder and watched and silently cried. I left to grab a tissue and returned to watch the whole 5th grade video with photos of them starting as babies in Kindergarten and now as 5th graders. Again, I stood over Big E's shoulder and silently cried. He turned to look at me. I tried to play it cool. YOU CAN LEAVE NOW. Normally that would have hurt my feelings, but I'm so raw from everything, that I just numbly walked away to clean up
I bet you didn't expect to hear from me... At 8:45AM this morning, I had a very worried child wake me up. He was ultra concerned that we were not yet up. How were we going to stick to the schedule I had printed out? The schedule I printed out in attempt to convince myself that this homeschooling/quarantine would not be the dumpster fire, that deep down, I knew it would be. I don't normally sleep this late, I promise. But Mr. Yoy and I were up extra late last night, finishing off the Hunters. I fell asleep around 2AM. I checked my phone and I had a very special message from a very special lady requesting I resuscitate the Mrs. Yoy blog, at least for the time that we are locked in, as she needed some laughs. So here I am. It's a little after 6:30PM. No one in my house has died and I feel like I need some praise and validation. The morning wasn't so zen. 9AM was P.E. time per Little E and his militant schedule, so we went out for a walk/bike ride. We came back
Day 64. Things have been spooky quiet around here. Mr. Yoy drove Little E to Orlando on Saturday to spend some quality time with his Grandpop. Big E went along for the drive. Do you know what this meant, folks? I HAD 36 HOURS ALONE IN MY HOUSE. I REPEAT. ALONE. IN. MY. HOUSE. It took this break for me to finally feel how tightly wound I've been. The stress, slowly seeping into my bones, my soul over the past eight (nine?) weeks briefly left my body. I took a bath. I went for a long walk with a friend. I had a driveway hang with some friends from my Israel trip. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I read UNTAMED by Glennon. I slept. Really slept. I thanked Mr. Yoy for giving me this gift. Because it was such a gift. Mr. Yoy and Big E arrived back on Sunday night. Halfway through their drive, they found a golden doodle breeder and tried to convince me that this was what our family needed. I took a look at our blind, deaf, toothless poodle and knew that a puppy would be the ki