Friday, May 29, 2015

The Craig's List Chronicles

Selling your house is mad stressful.  It makes you do completely illogical things like selling a bunch of your sh*t on Craig's List.

Craig's List is like the Wild West.  There are no laws.  No manners.  No expectation of decency.  It's basically rush hour on 285.  Every man for himself.

And I sold a ton of stuff.  I encountered all sorts of humans.  There were a few that showed up at the agreed upon time with the agreed upon amount, although that was rare.  Mostly it was a bunch of no shows.  

Below is a summary of my top three transactions, in no particular order.

1) Gucci Diaper Bag

This was a gift from my parents when I was pregnant with Big E.  Of course I would have a Gucci Diaper Bag.  I may live in Atlanta, but I'm a Boca girl at heart. Anyway, I wore this thing out.  I carried it every day for five years.  The corners are pilled.  The top has some wear.  If I amortized the cost of the bag across the usage, it was basically free.  At least, that's how I justified it.  But after five years, I could not look at that bag without having flashbacks of blowout diapers and projectile vomiting.  It had to go.  I posted it on a bunch of Buckhead Facebook selling exchanges with no luck.  Those ladies are too good for a used Gucci Diaper Bag. It was my Craig's List posting that blew up.

My buyer was from the sticks, which was so intriguing to me.  She was having issues picking it up because her only means of transport was an 18-wheeler.

I declined the offer to load up my kids in the middle of a tornado and stop on the side of South Cobb Drive to do the deal.  And wouldn't you know it, they rolled up in the cab of the 18 wheeler and parked in front of my home to buy a Gucci Diaper Bag.  I guess he unhitched his cargo before heading into my subdivision. The visual was so lovely that I forgot to take a picture.  It was a young, excited couple, so I was happy to sell them my beat to hell bag.  She was so elated to have the diaper bag.  It gave me the good feels all around.

2) Leather Trundle Day Bed

Little E's new bedroom is about twice the size of his current room.  We decided to put two twin beds in there.  His trundle bed was out.  This item of furniture generated the most interest because it is pretty pimp.  I had a million inquiries, but most were all talk, no action.  Except this one woman.  She swore up and down how much she wanted the bed.  It took close to a MONTH to get her out to the house.  Things kept coming up.  That last sentences is in air quotes, because this lady was flaky city.  I disassembled the bed (Thanks, Uncle E!) and had it right next to the door for her to pick up.  She FINALLY showed up and then gave me a sob story about all she has is this $100 bill (she waved it in front of my nose).  The bed was for sale for $175.  But what she doesn't know is that I don't need to get rid of this piece of furniture, so I send her walking empty handed.  I immediately received another email about the bed and this woman showed up the next day and purchased.  No questions asked.  Thanks, nice couple from Buford!  I kept waiting for the original woman to reach out to me as she said she was going to go home and beg her husband for the rest of the money.  She never did.  Because I really wanted to tell her it was sold.  Especially after all my time wasted dealing with her crazy a**.

3) Dining Room Table, Chairs, and Sideboard

The was the DOOZY of all transactions. Our dining room table is enormous. We have sat 16 people at this thing.  The chairs weigh about 40 pounds each which makes sitting down at the table damn near impossible. Our new dining room is much smaller so the table had to go. Again, I received many inquiries, but this lady was the first to come out and look and agree to buy the set. Except it wasn't her that came out. It was her cousin and her cousin's boyfriend. This lady was some sort of secret agent spy that was always traveling for work. Or so she said. She was very hard to reach and hardly ever responded to my emails.


Apparently, there is no email in Canada. But I'd like to confirm that with my friend, SM.

She had someone drop off a $400 deposit in exchange for two of the chairs a few weeks back and I told her it MUST be picked up by Monday, May 25th because we were M-O-V-I-N-G. She assured me that was fine. We told her she'll need some sort of moving truck and some able bodied men as this thing is enormous.

Sunday night I followed up with her regarding what time she'd be coming to get the furniture. 


And this happened. And I about lost my mind. Thank goodness I have Mr. Yoy. He is the eye of my hurricane. We told her to return the two chairs and we'd give her the $400 back. We had a backup buyer who really wanted the set and I don't have time for these shenanigans.  

She insisted she still wanted the set and that she'd give us $600 of the $1,600 she still owed us. We still weren't comfortable with that arrangement. Again, Mr. Yoy saved the day. He used his lawyer skills to counter her offer. $800 and she could have all the furniture, except the top of the table which had to be removed to get the table out of our home. We needed this stuff gone and what was she going to do with a table base and no table? She agreed to come and get it first thing Tuesday morning.  I wanted Mr. Yoy to be home so there was no chance of me being murdered.


At this point, I'm questioning the meaning of life. How can this be happening? I'm fully convinced we are being scammed. Mr. Yoy formulated an exit strategy. We had PODS coming on Wednesday and this table and chairs were not slated to fit. We were going to rent a small U-Haul truck and move the furniture to the storage place by our home and have the back up buyer come and get it this weekend.  

But then a miracle happened. She called and let me know she was on her way. At 1:30 in the afternoon. And I wasn't feeling super comfortable about being at the house alone. Plus my friend, E, convinced me I was about to get robbed and then killed. So I called Mr. Yoy.  But he wasn't at his desk. Then I called my friend who works from home. And he came right over.

And they showed up. With the money. And a Home Depot truck. And took everything, except the table top. Mr. Yoy has it safely stored away until she comes up with the rest of the money. We are just happy to have that beast out of our possession.

So that sums up the past month of my life. I'm safely down in Florida with my kids and the house closes today. I can't believe it. WE DID IT!




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