Monday, April 30, 2012

Maybe he'll be a stripper?

Big E has a major problem.

He loses the ability to pull up his undies and pants if he senses me within a 25 foot radius.

I've heard that when he uses the bathroom at school he will pull his pants up.

At home, I have yet to see this phenomenon.  Big E shuffles into our bedroom every night for me to pull his pants up post restroom and tuck him back in.  I might as well have a newborn at the rate of interrupted sleep I'm getting.

His pants "issues" have led to innocent people being flashed by my three year old.  He is indiscriminate when it comes to his audience.  Last week it was the Scott's Lawn guy.

After school today, Big E was running around in the big grassy space outside our synagogue.

I watched as his hand repeatedly grabbed his crotch.

Excuse me, when did I give birth to the second coming of Michael Jackson?

BIG E!  DO YOU HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM?

Of course he said he didn't.  He was too busy running wild with his friends for an inconvenient bathroom break.

A few minutes he later he stopped dead in his tracks.

I HAVE TO GO PEE PEE!

I was completely shocked by this (dripping in sarcasm).  I told him to run back into school and use the potty.

I was chatting up some of the other moms, when I saw such a vision it took my breath away.

Big E came shuffling out of school, weaving his way through all of his classmates, with his pants down.

Sweet lord, he was flashing the whole school.

I ran over there and pulled up his pants before everyone noticed.

Everyone's kid is a type.

I've got the flasher.

Sweet.
From the 3+ years I've spent with Big E, he seems like a fairly intelligent person.  Why can't he figure this out?

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