I'm not bragging about this, as I'm sure some of you went to bed around that time.
I'm just stating a fact.
My bathroom butts up to the wall by Big E's bed. I know he can hear activity in the bathroom through his wall, as I've been in his room when Mr. Yoy is in there. (Thanks crappy Winmark Homes construction)
I get up almost every night to use the bathroom, as my bladder is shot to hell.
Last night I awoke at precisely 3:50 to use the bathroom. My zombie self got the job done and stumbled back to bed.
I stretched out in my cool sheets and prepared to enjoy the second half of my slumber.
Then I heard the familiar padding of feet entering our bedroom. I expected Big E to ask me to pull his pants up, but this time, he wanted to climb into our bed. I know this is a bad precedent, but I'm chronically exhausted, and I just don't feel like arguing about it in the middle of the night.
Big E lays in our bed for about fifteen minutes. He is restless. Let me paint a more accurate picture. He is the poster child for restless leg syndrome (RLS). He quickly sits up.
WHEN CAN WE LIGHT THE MENORAH? WHEN IS IT CHANUKAH?
While I appreciate his religious enthusiasm, I'm in no mood for his shenanigans.
Mr. Yoy scoffs. We are both thinking the same thing.
HOW COULD TWO PEOPLE WHO LOVE TO SLEEP HAVE CREATED THIS VAMPIRE CHILD?
I take one for the Yoy team and persuade Big E to go to his bed so Mr. Yoy can sleep.
We spend about an hour in his bed. Big E is tossing and turning and sighing and asking me crazy existential questions.
I plead with Big E to go to sleep.
I WON'T BE ABLE TO PROPERLY MOTHER YOU TOMORROW IF I AM ON FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP AND A ROYAL B*TCH!
That is a paraphrase of what I told Big E.
It falls on deaf ears.
Around 5:30 we had downstairs so Big E can play. I tell him that I'm going to sleep on the couch and not to bother me.
I know you know how this ends. He "HEY, MOM!"s me until a little after seven.
I'm delirious. I'm tired. I'm mad.
Big E belts out his infamous rooster impression and I evacuate back to my bed.
Big E trails, but instead of following me to my bedroom, he flings open Little E's door and wakes him up.
So instead of possibly catching a few more ZZZZZZZZZZZs, I've now got a tired, startled, crying Little E on my hands.
Mr. Yoy proclaims today TV ALL DAY DAY and I flip on Disney Junior and drag what remains of my soul back to bed. I ended up sneaking in about 45 more minutes of sleep.
But make no mistake, I am hurting today.
So I'm pleading for ideas and suggestions to keep Big E in bed.
I already cut out his nap so that he'd be tired for nighttime.
Short of chaining Big E to his bed (not legal), can you think of anything else?
Say hello to my new BFF.