Monday, September 24, 2012

Big E: Urine Trouble

Tomorrow evening at sundown begins the holiest day of the year for my people, the Jews.

It is the day we atone for all the terrible sins we committed during the past year and make a promise to do better in the coming year.

I was in the middle of listing all of my sins out, but then a friend called and we had to gossip about all the bad mothers we know.  (KIDDING!)

Obviously, I've steered clear of murder, theft, and adultery (some of the really bad things on the stuff you shouldn't do list).

I've even tried my hardest to raise my children with some level of morality and goodness.

Things were looking good for Big E this year.  He was pretty decent.  Especially for a three year old.

But last Friday he may have sealed his fate for the coming year.

Big E was romping around in our Synagogue's garden after school with some of his classmates.

One of the little girls needed to use the bathroom.  While walking inside seems like a simple solution, the Synagogue/School is locked up tight.

You have to press an intercom button at the front door and recite the Hebrew alphabet to gain entrance.  Sometimes backwards.  You really can't fake your way into this place.

Once you are in, the bathrooms are way in the back.  It is a treacherous walk for any kid who is recently potty trained.

The garden's lush grass seemed like as good a place as any to squat down and discreetly use the bathroom.

Of course, Big E was hovering around his classmate like an annoying gnat.

I asked him to give her some privacy.

This was my fatal error.

Big E didn't realize she was going to the bathroom.

His eyes lit up.

I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, TOO!

Shocking.  This kid loves to pee in the grass.  He should have been a dog.

Before I could reach him, he yanked down his pants, and let it flow.

I'm talking a rainbow shaped stream any respectable leprechaun would be proud of.  He basically was watering the flowers on the far side of the garden.

OMG.

I was horrified.  I'm not even sure horrified could describe how I felt.

Please, please, please do not let one of our Rabbis walk out the door and see my child watering the sacred Holocaust Garden.

He finished up and I quickly pulled up his shorts as I attempted to unburn that scene from my brain.

Not two minutes later one of the Rabbis did walk out.  He smiled and wished us a Good Shabbos.

I let out a huge sigh.

Big E, you got a lotta atoning to do!
Side Note:  It took me a few days to write about this.  I am scarred.





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