Raising Ralph Wiggum
Deterrents included an apparatus he wore at night covering his thumb, bitter paste to put on his thumb, and finally, threatened amputation (my personal favorite). I showed him pictures of people with messed up teeth to illustrate what he was doing to his beautiful smile. It turned out, all I needed to do was put away his baby blanket, which was the trigger. Game over.
Dr. H walked into the room and I could see Big E puff out his chest to relay his big announcement.
DR. H., I STOPPED SUCKING MY THUMB!
The dentist made a huge deal about it, which I greatly appreciated. Big E received extra prizes when we left.
Not to be outdone, Little E, or should I call him Ralph Wiggum, also had a grand announcement to make.
DR. H., I ATE A COOKIE AT THE MALL. I ATE AN M&M COOKIE AT THE MALL!
My heart stopped. I shot Little E a death glance. Leave it to my baby to sell me out. I had taken the boys to the mall after camp to kill some time. And this is the thanks I get.
I could feel my face turn red. Not only do I give my kids cookies, but I give them candy covered cookies.
I belong in cavity jail.