Today I took both Yoys to Publix.
I know, whatever horrible things happened there, I had coming to me.
Surprisingly, the Yoys were very well behaved. We had a rad race car shopping cart and even though it was only 9:45, I drove by the bakery and let them get sugar cookies. I am becoming SUCH a pushover.
We had made it through the store and we were waiting in the only open checkout lane. There was only one person in front of me, so it was no biggie. At least that is what I thought.
Unfortunately for me, the checkout lady was a carbon copy of the Target Lady Kristin Wiig plays on SNL, minus the wicked Midwestern accent.
She was commenting on everything she scanned and chatting up the customer in front of me.
I quickly scanned my cart.
There were no tampons, control top pantyhose, or Metamucil. Whew, good call on my part.
SO YOU ARE HAVING YOUR PERIOD?
SO YOU ARE HAVING A FAT DAY?
SO YOU HAVEN'T TAKEN A CRAP IN FOUR DAYS?
She finally got around to scanning our items.
She grabbed my reusable University of Florida bags.
HERE COME A BUNCH OF ALLIGATORS!
I smiled politely. Duh, we are GATORS not ALLIGATORS, but I'm too annoyed to correct her. My kids were starting to simmer. Please, let's speed this up.
LET'S GO GATORS! LET'S GO GATORS! LET'S GO GATORS!
Big E began cheering. Um, Big E, this isn't 2006. We have NOTHING to be cheering about. Quiet down before the man behind us in the UGA sweatshirt begins heckling us.
I swipe my credit card and begin to relax. We will be out of here in less than a minute. We have survived.
WHOOPS, I FORGOT TO SCAN YOUR BROCCOLI AND CAULIFLOWER!
After a few minutes of her deciding the best course of action, I decided to just pay cash for the veggies and retreat. Damn you, veggies!
Hopefully, I won't have to take both of them to Publix for a long, long time. But if I do, I know to avoid this lady. I'll be hitting up the self checker if she's my only choice.