Sunday, June 10, 2012

The Hangover Nanny

Last night we went to a going away karaoke party.  I really wanted to get up and sing, but I am a tad shy. So I had a few glasses of wine (three big honking red solo cups full) and got up on stage.  I killed some Ke$ha and Justin Bieber and had a grand time.  By the way, I have the music tastes of a fifteen year old girl.  Don't judge me.  It's catchy.

Around 12:30, Mr. Yoy suggested we head home.  While we were both enjoying ourselves, we knew no matter how late we stayed out, we had two little guys at home who would be up promptly at 7 AM.

As I settled into my wine induced coma, I had a nagging feeling that tomorrow was going to blow.

I wasn't even awoken by Big E.  I was awoken by my severe dehydration.  Around 5:45, I went downstairs to drink two giant glasses of water.  My drinking days are far behind me, and I'm a little rusty on all my post drinking rituals.  I had forgotten to drink any water before bedtime.

I couldn't fall back asleep so I watched some Law & Order circa 1995.  It was awesome.

Finally around 6:30, I crawled back to bed.

At 7:10, we received our first visit from Big E.

HI MOMMY!  WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING?

I can't even recall what I said to him.  I was on less than six hours of sleep, I had a massive headache, my tongue felt like a giant cotton ball, and I just wanted to pull all the covers and pillows over my head and disappear into my bed.

Over the next half hour, Big E kept popping back in to tell me something or to ask me to get up.

But I couldn't.  I just couldn't move.  And in my hangover haze, an idea came to me.

WE NEED A HANGOVER NANNY!

Job description as follows:

1) Keep my children out of our room
2) Dress and prepare breakfast for the Yoys
3) Bring water and Advil to me
4) Cook greasy foods to settle afflicted stomach
5) Stay on until I have the ability to shower, get dressed, and speak

This is the best idea I've had in awhile.  Seriously.

All I need is a volunteer.  Or two.

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