Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Regression Analysis

Ok, people.  It's time to pull out your Statistics 101 notes from school and have a discussion on a little topic known as regression analysis.

If your mind immediately jumped to independent and dependent variables, please close out of my blog immediately.  We can no longer be friends.

I'm referring to Big E.

For months this kid was air tight.  He had zero accidents after day one of potty training.  I was all braggity braggity brag about him.

OH, POTTY TRAINING.  THAT WAS A PIECE OF PUBLIX CAKE.  SO SUPER EASY. BLAH BLAH BLAH.  I DON'T KNOW WHY EVERY OTHER MOMMY IS SO INTIMIDATED BY THE PROCESS.

Dang, I should have shut the hell up.  I should have known I'd have to eat my words.

There are two sides of Big E.

Big E away from home is all about going to the bathroom.

We could be in the dirtiest Walmart ever and Big E will absolutely have to use the bathroom.  Even if he just went thirty minutes ago.

Last week I had to take Big E to the bathroom in Costco. This also meant I had to take Little E.  So all three of us were in a stall.  Little E sat down on the floor.  I gagged as I balanced Big E on the toilet.  Big E released approximately one teaspoon of urine.  I would have slammed my head against the stall, if I hadn't been in a public restroom.

I complain to my mom and I can FEEL her smirking through the phone.  Apparently, I had an affinity for Winn Dixie restrooms as a toddler.  Payback is a b*tch!

The other side of Big E comes out at home.  He'll go hours without using the restroom.  When I see him grabbing his crouch, I ask him if he has to use the restroom. Sometimes he'll go, sometimes he'll tell me he doesn't have to go.

Yesterday, he was engrossed in his learning books and by the time he made it to the bathroom, he unloaded all over the rug.

Today, he did the same thing, except I had thrown the rug out yesterday.  In hindsight, a rug in that bathroom at this juncture of time is a horrible idea.

We did a quick wardrobe change and I cleaned up the floor.  I was extra agitated because my cleaning people were here this morning.  Couldn't he have waited a few days before urinating all over the floor?

For the record, that answer is always NO.

Not an hour later he completely unloaded in the playroom and then yelled at me to not come in there.  He has yet to learn the tricks to manipulating his parents.

Of course, I ran right in there to a puddle of urine.  Ugh.

I've heard that regression is normal, but this is completely frustrating.

Do you have any helpful hints to combat his regression?

Or should I just go ahead and drop him off at the local fire station?  Hypothetically speaking, that is.
I imagine this is what is going on inside Big E's head.

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