Big E: Down On Skid Row
OK BOYS, LET'S HEAD UPSTAIRS!
Big E shot upstairs like a rocket. I should have been suspicious, but I was just very tired and grateful.
It took Little E a tad more convincing. I finally corralled the herd and headed up to face my next challenge. BEDTIME.
I heard a suspicious noise coming from Big E's bathroom.
MOM, SOMETIMES I HAVE A HARD TIME...
My heart leapt into my throat. How will this sentence end?
SAYING I LOVE YOU?
FINISHING MY VEGETABLES?
Sadly, it was none of these benign problems.
Big E had used the little potty to take a major poop and was trying to carry the contents to the toilet. But he failed miserably. Thankfully, it was mostly urine that flooded the bathroom floor, but it was close to seven and I had mentally checked out for the day. At least I thought I had.
I got to work cleaning up the bathroom floor, the little toilet, the big toilet and everything in between. Big E shuffled around with his jeans around his sneakers.
MOM, I NEED HELP WITH MY SHOES AND PANTS.
I took a deep breath. One thing at a time. I was currently mopping up Lake Yoy in the bathroom.
BIG E, GO SIT DOWN ON YOUR FLOOR, TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF FIRST, AND THEN YOUR PANTS WILL SLIDE OFF.
These words will haunt me forever.
MOOOOMMMMMM?! I FORGOT TO WIPE MY TUSSY (Yoy word for bottom).
I stood up and made the short walk to my destiny, Big E's bedroom.
I've been around the block a few times to know what was coming. And there it was. In three separate spots. Skid marks decorating his recently steam cleaned carpet.
UGH. BIG E? SERIOUSLY?
I abandoned the bathroom and set to work on the carpet.
Maybe it was the fumes from the carpet cleaner, but I excused myself and called my cousin to vent about the last ten crappy minutes of my life. It was either this or walk out the door.
MOM, COME CHECK OUT MY INVENTION!
I headed back to the bathroom.
Both Yoys were at their sinks. Soaking wet.
If I'd been playing poker, this would have been my dramatic I FOLD moment.