Monday, February 20, 2012

The Yoys: Providing Birth Control For All

I've been told by some of my childless readers that my blog has caused them to push back the timeline of having a baby.

My response to this comment has and always will be:

MY JOB HERE IS DONE.

You see, before I became pregnant, all of my mommy friends would go on and on about how fabulous and amazing and fun and great being a mother is.  Yeah, you know who you are.

I'm not going to lie, being a mother has its amazing moments.  Moments that make your heart leap out of your chest or make you cry with joy.  I can look at a picture of my sons seconds after I put them to bed and be brought to tears.  I love, love, love those little boogers.

For the most part, I try to omit these moments from my blog.  No one wants to read about that.  They want the train-wreck stuff, which I happily provide.

What all you childless people don't realize is that all the "motherhood is awesome" talk is a BIG, FAT, SCAM. Your friends are sabotaging you.  They realize their awesome, care-free lives are over and they want everyone else to suffer their fate.

WHY SHOULD YOU BE ABLE TO GO TO PUBLIX AND NOT HAVE TO RUN UP AND DOWN THE AISLES LIKE YOU ARE ON AN EPISODE OF SUPERMARKET SWEEP?

WHY SHOULD YOU BE ABLE TO CHEW AND TASTE YOUR FOOD AT MEALS?

WHY SHOULD YOU BE ABLE TO TAKE A SHOWER WITHOUT AN AUDIENCE?

WHY SHOULD YOU BE ABLE TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND NOT REQUIRE THREE MONTHS LOGISTIC PLANNING?

WHY SHOULD YOU BE ABLE TO SLEEP EIGHT HOURS OF UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP?

WHY SHOULD YOU BE ABLE TO GO OUT AND HAVE A DRINK WITH YOUR FRIENDS?

WHY SHOULD YOU BE ABLE TO TRAVEL?


I'm here to spread the real gospel.  It ain't pretty, but it's the truth.

I wish someone would have been open and honest with me about motherhood before I took the plunge.

It is flipping hard.  Really hard.  Like some days I seriously want to crawl into bed after I put my kids down and cry.  Out of exhaustion.  Out of frustration.  Out of isolation.

I try my best to put a humorous spin on it for you guys, but it is some serious sh*t.

Anyway, that is my PSA for this evening.  I'm off to watch my peaceful, sleeping Yoysers.

Just out of curiosity, what do you miss most about not having children?

What are you most afraid of when you do finally bite the bullet?
What I'll look like when my kids head off to college.

2 comments:

  1. That I'll be a bad mommy :-(

    ReplyDelete
  2. All you can do is try!

    Also, I always say fake it til you make it!

    ReplyDelete