The boys were getting bubbly in the tub. I had finished cleaning up for the cleaning people and was looking forward to a quiet evening of reading and watching The Mindy Project.
I closed Big E's bedroom door at 7:30. I was now an evil, snarling witch.
Sixty minutes isn't all that much time. But it is just enough time to script a meaty blog entry.
I pulled the boys out of the tub shortly after I hung up with Mr. Yoy. As I was diapering and dressing Little E. Big E parked himself on the computer and put on his playlist. After a few rounds of Doctor, Doctor, I heard Flo-Rida come on. He clearly had switched playlists.
Whenever "Low" comes on the radio, Big E is immediately mesmerized.
MOM! CAN YOU PUT THIS SONG ON MY PLAYLIST?
Look, I make a lot of subpar parenting decisions, but this was not going to be one of them. I put my foot down.
As Big E tried to argue the merits of adding Flo-Rida onto his playlist, I sat down at the computer. Big E was standing up in the chair behind me, naked and dancing.
I closed out iTunes.
Big E erupted.
He put his hands around my neck and screamed for me to put Flo-Rida on his playlist. I broke away from his crazy strong little kid grip, but not before I had the sensation that my throat was being crushed.
I was steaming mad. I was frustrated. I wanted to throw my naked son out the window.
I immediately scolded him for hurting me. I told him to go into his room and calm down while I read Little E some books.
Big E translated that to mean coming into Little E's room and kicking all of his books around.
As I read 57 Sandra Boynton books about bedtime, Big E screamed and cried in my ear.
I, again, asked him to go in his room and calm down. I was trying to take the high road here. I didn't yell at him, which I thought was amazing.
After books in Little E's room, we moved onto teeth brushing. Big E began to simmer down, but he was constantly whining. Not a normal-toned word was spoken. Big E protested everything I suggested. He refused to wear the pajama bottoms that went with the top I picked out because he "likes dinosaurs AND airplanes!"
We all then read some books in Big E's room (which is our normal routine).
I put Little E to bed and came back to put Big E to bed.
I didn't even want to wish him a good night, he had been such a pill.
WHY DID YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT? (whine)
Good lord, I can't even say good night without some push back.
I walked out and shut the door.
Look, I love anyone who can transform a state into a rap name by using a little punctuation, but Flo-Rida and I are in a major fight tonight.