Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Unsolicited Parenting Advice

What mother doesn't love when a complete stranger walks up to her and puts in their two cents about her parenting skills?

I absolutely love it.  In fact, I wear a shirt around that says something like:

PLEASE TEACH ME HOW TO PARENT MY CHILDREN MORE EFFECTIVELY.  I CLEARLY AM AN INCOMPETENT MOTHER.

Today I tagged along with my mom to her bowling league.  It is a bunch of Boca Jewish ladies, and the people watching is epic.

Little E was crawling around on the floor eating out of his snack cup.  Really he was dumping about half of it on the floor and I was trailing him picking up all the wayward pieces.  He was not actually eating off the floor.

Over the speaker system they announced the Hanukkah party was beginning and 50 women went running towards the spread of chicken, egg, and tuna salads.  I stayed behind with the Yoys.

As she walked by, a woman my mom was bowling against said very clearly, but not directly to me:

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET THAT BABY EAT THAT SH*T OFF THE DIRTY FLOOR.

I felt like someone socked me in the stomach.  Did this woman just criticize me?  And use a curse word in front of my kids?

For the record, he was not eating off the floor, he was eating while seated on the floor.  But he doesn't walk.  So that is his thing right now.  She might know that if she wasn't a total stranger.

I was fuming.  I told my mom I had to say something to her, but my mom asked me not to, as she sees this woman weekly.

I watched Mother of the Year, or as I will refer to her from now on, MOY grab a plateful of food.  She placed her plate on the table then ran up to bowl.

After her turn, MOY sat down and wrapped her bowling ball hole fingers around her bagel sandwich and took a big, juicy bite.

You know what?  I wouldn't DARE interrupt her while she was jamming her sandwich into her mouth which, by the way, was now contaminated with all sorts of nasty germs that reside in her bowling ball.

I'm like 99% sure eating off the floor is cleaner.

I smirked as I distributed hand wipes to all of my mom's teammates. 

Enjoy your e-coli, b*tch.

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