Monday, December 12, 2011

Mrs. Yoy: Everything I needed to know about parenting I learned from reality tv.

This afternoon Big E earned himself a timeout for pushing Little E over one heartbeat after I asked him not to.

In the past, I have bear hugged him and sat at the bottom of the steps with him.  Today I decided to try something new.

I placed him on the bottom step and told him he was in timeout and to stay put.  I then walked away.

I expected him to pop right up and follow me, which he did.

I do not expect him to cry out:

I WANT MOMMY IN TIMEOUT WITH ME!  I WANT MOMMY IN TIMEOUT WITH ME!

First of all, time out isn't some sort of bonding time for us, pal.  It means you are in big time trouble.  You may feel like we are cuddling, but we are not.  I'm putting the death hold on you so you don't run off.

Second of all, why should I have to suffer through time out?  I listen to myself just fine.  In fact, I'm the only one in this house listening to me.  I'll cut Little E some slack since he is only one, but that won't last forever.

We spent approximately six minutes doing the same song and dance.  I'd place a crying Big E on the bottom step and he'd get right back up.  I'd return him to the spot, without saying anything (very Supernanny of me). Over and over and over again.

I tried to reason with him.

Your timeout would have been over three minutes ago if you would just stay seated!

I don't know why I bother.  You can't reason with a three year old.  I know this.  I figure if we can talk about tampons, we should be able to talk about things like listening to mommy.  It should be a two way street.

Finally he stayed.  I sat in the dining room with Little E and listened to Big E whimper his way through his timeout.

I was awash with happiness.  I know it seems silly, but this was a major victory for me.  Thank goodness I am the most stubborn person on earth and did not give up the battle.

After three minutes I went and retrieved Big E.

I got down on my knees so I was eye level with Big E (again, very Supernanny).

Do you know why mommy put you in timeout?

Sob Sob Sob

Because I pushed Little E over.

Ok, now go and apologize.

I'm sorry brother (accompanied with a nonviolent hug)!

For my next trick, I'll learn how to keep Big E in his toddler bed.  That is, if we ever decide to take him out of his crib.
Seriously, if anyone wants to nominate the Yoys for this show I will not be offended.  Also, if you want to nominate for What Not to Wear, I will also not be offended.

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