My Hulk Impersonation
We played, ate lunch, and played again.
Big E used the bathroom as we were finishing up lunch. It wasn't a code red emergency, so I was thankful. Normally we end up racing to the bathroom like we are on an episode of Supermarket Sweep.
As Big E and his friends were climbing in and out of all the coin operated vehicles, I saw him grab his bottom.
Panic bubbled up in my throat.
BIG E, DO YOU NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM?!
He did. And, even worse, it was a poo-mergency.
We were located dead center of the mall with restrooms located on each end of the mall.
I scooped Big E up, as I felt running would not help his cause, and took off. I slowed down to ask a woman working at the cookie kiosk where the closest bathroom was.
Sweet lord, I had to run all the way down to the end AND down an escalator.
At that moment, I pictured myself as the Incredible Hulk. Big and muscle-y and green and mad. Carrying a limp body.
I was also wearing knee high boots, skinny jeans and a jacket. I had not dressed appropriately for my mall jog. I was sweating my a** off. My main goal, at that moment, was not to look like a hip, mom-on-the-go, but merely to keep Big E from having a bowel movement on the industrial mall carpet.
I HAVE TO POOP! I HAVE TO POOP!
In case anyone was curious why I was sprinting through the mall, Big E made sure to broadcast his intentions to all who would listen.
As we hit the top of the escalator I had to stop to compose myself. I have a minor fear of falling down an escalator, so I had to make sure I could hold Big E and grab the railing.
I'm happy to report that we made it to the bottom AND the bathroom.
I've said it before, but I'd like to reiterate it. I DO NOT get paid enough for this job. In fact, I should be receiving some sort of combat pay.