Big E: Do Not Fly List
I pay the cab, swing open my door and take the mounds of crap I am carrying out of the car. I have only one possession left in the cab.
My son. And his plan is to stay in the backseat and hitch a return ride to my brother's apartment.
I reach in for him and he scoots towards the far side.
At this moment I decide to leave him in the cab. And one moment I later I remember that Mr. Yoy would be super pissed if we were down one kid. Especially if that one kid was Big E.
I drag his reluctant self out of the cab.
He begins chanting his mantra.
I WANT TO STAY IN NY!
I MISS UNCLE D AND AUNT J SO, SO MUCH!
I WANT TO LIVE HERE FOREVER.
The airport was busy. I drag Big E to the kiosk to check in. Then to the baggage drop off.
Everyone we pass is thinking the same damn thing.
PLEASE DON'T LET THAT KID BE SITTING NEXT TO ME ON THE PLANE.
Snot is running down his face. He is eating it.
We finally make it to the security line. He has stopped screaming, but he is doing that post cry shaky sob thing.
I pick him up as we wait. He rubs his slimy face on my coat.
As we snake through the security line, I rub his back and try to calm him down.
It appears to be working. I begin to unclench. We are on the downside of this tantrum.
Big E perks up and solemnly looks at me. I wait for whatever nugget of information he is about to emote.
I PACKED ALL MY GUNS SO I CAN SHOOT EVERYONE!!
My heart stopped.
WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DON'T SAY THAT!!!!
I glance around to see if anyone heard him.
He says it again. Again, my heart stopped.
CAN I TAPE HIS MOUTH SHUT?
Ms. Nosy Passenger just on the other side of the security rope gives me a tight smile.
YOU BETTER HOPE THEY DON'T HEAR HIM OR YOU'LL NEVER GET THROUGH SECURITY.
Thanks, lady. I'm aware.
I'm panicked. Why did Big E choose this moment to channel his inner terrorist?!
I nervously ramble on about everything we did over the weekend, hoping to move Big E past his ominous threats.
We get to the front of the security line and I'm literally not breathing.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY BACKPACK UP THERE. I WANT TO KEEP IT.
Then I blacked out. I knelt down and have no idea what insane, panicked, desperate mom thing I hissed at him, but he conceded the backpack thing.
And just like that we were through.
And I began breathing again.
As soon as we were settled on the plane, Big E was asleep.
And when he awoke a few minutes outside of Atlanta, I had my sweet boy back again.
Sigh of relief.