Raising Vampires
The time now reads 9:10.
Not exceptionally late as far as putting young kids to bed, but for me, it might as well be midnight. I try to put the Yoys to bed by 7:30, so this whole 9 PM thing is greatly eating into my Mrs. Yoy time. Jersey Shore comes back tonight, and I'm pretty sure that show is not rated G.
As usual, I'm gassed. I had a very ambitious day.
I took Big E to gymnastics and sushi.
We played outside.
I worked out.
I bathed the Yoys early and had an experimental holiday card photo shoot. I realize it has just turned fall, but I need to know what I'm up against. Will I wave the white flag and surrender to a professional photo shoot this year? The jury is still out.
Somewhere in this crazy day, BOTH my kids napped. Hard.
Bed time was going to be hairy.
Little E went down without a fight. He's still in a crib, so there's not much he can do unless he can use his tiny T-Rex arms to pull himself out.
Big E was going to be an epic battle. I knew this. I tried to wind him down. But he wanted to play. That is a dirty word at 7 PM at night.
Around 7:45 I suggested getting into bed and reading the required three books.
He fought me at first, but then I played our favorite game of choice.
I'll READ YOU THREE BOOKS NOW OR I'M OUT OF HERE AND YOU GET NOTHING.
After our reading and a heart-to-heart session with Big E's Woody doll, I slinked out of there.
1) I NEED DINNER!
Um, you ate chicken and strawberries not 90 minutes ago. I ran downstairs and threw a banana in a bowl and gave it to him to eat in bed. Yes, food in bed. That's where I'm at.
2) HERE'S MY BOWL MOM!
Because putting the empty bowl on your nightstand just won't do.
3) DO YOU KNOW WHERE COWBOYS LIVE?
Hold on, let me google it. FYI, per Big E they live in the desert.
4) I HAVE A BIG KISS FOR YOU!
Your a**kissing won't work on me. I ignore him, as I told him the last time I tucked him in that it was the last time.
I'M NOT GOING TO BED UNTIL YOU TUCK ME IN! I'M GOING TO STAY UP FOR WEEKS!
There's only so many times I can handle hearing this statement ominously whispered in my ear. I tuck him in again. For the last time. Again. Maybe.
5) I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!
I hear his feet hit the floor. I flip the lights off and jump into bed. Maybe if I pretend like I'm sleeping, Big E will get the hint.
Nope.
He sits down at my computer and starts looking at pictures.
Poodle Yoy is going crazy because in the process of hiding from my child, she has lost visual of me. I can't tell if it is her or Big E circling my bed like a crazed killer. It is her.
I lay my final bedtime threat on Big E.
I lead him back to bed for hopefully the final time this evening.
As I pass by Little E's room, I hear him choo-chooing his brains out.
Seriously.
What the hell?
Not exceptionally late as far as putting young kids to bed, but for me, it might as well be midnight. I try to put the Yoys to bed by 7:30, so this whole 9 PM thing is greatly eating into my Mrs. Yoy time. Jersey Shore comes back tonight, and I'm pretty sure that show is not rated G.
As usual, I'm gassed. I had a very ambitious day.
I took Big E to gymnastics and sushi.
We played outside.
I worked out.
I bathed the Yoys early and had an experimental holiday card photo shoot. I realize it has just turned fall, but I need to know what I'm up against. Will I wave the white flag and surrender to a professional photo shoot this year? The jury is still out.
Somewhere in this crazy day, BOTH my kids napped. Hard.
Bed time was going to be hairy.
Little E went down without a fight. He's still in a crib, so there's not much he can do unless he can use his tiny T-Rex arms to pull himself out.
Big E was going to be an epic battle. I knew this. I tried to wind him down. But he wanted to play. That is a dirty word at 7 PM at night.
Around 7:45 I suggested getting into bed and reading the required three books.
He fought me at first, but then I played our favorite game of choice.
I'll READ YOU THREE BOOKS NOW OR I'M OUT OF HERE AND YOU GET NOTHING.
After our reading and a heart-to-heart session with Big E's Woody doll, I slinked out of there.
1) I NEED DINNER!
Um, you ate chicken and strawberries not 90 minutes ago. I ran downstairs and threw a banana in a bowl and gave it to him to eat in bed. Yes, food in bed. That's where I'm at.
2) HERE'S MY BOWL MOM!
Because putting the empty bowl on your nightstand just won't do.
3) DO YOU KNOW WHERE COWBOYS LIVE?
Hold on, let me google it. FYI, per Big E they live in the desert.
4) I HAVE A BIG KISS FOR YOU!
Your a**kissing won't work on me. I ignore him, as I told him the last time I tucked him in that it was the last time.
I'M NOT GOING TO BED UNTIL YOU TUCK ME IN! I'M GOING TO STAY UP FOR WEEKS!
There's only so many times I can handle hearing this statement ominously whispered in my ear. I tuck him in again. For the last time. Again. Maybe.
5) I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!
I hear his feet hit the floor. I flip the lights off and jump into bed. Maybe if I pretend like I'm sleeping, Big E will get the hint.
Nope.
He sits down at my computer and starts looking at pictures.
Poodle Yoy is going crazy because in the process of hiding from my child, she has lost visual of me. I can't tell if it is her or Big E circling my bed like a crazed killer. It is her.
I lay my final bedtime threat on Big E.
I lead him back to bed for hopefully the final time this evening.
As I pass by Little E's room, I hear him choo-chooing his brains out.
Seriously.
What the hell?
Forget Buzz Lightyear and Woody, my kids need to be Vampires for Halloween.
Comments
Post a Comment