I took a four year hiatus from blogging, but these are trying times, folks. I'm here to bring you real, endearing, and sanity saving stories from the 2020 lock-in.
Some days, I barely survive. Other days, I'm crazy awesome.
Yoy is my husband's nickname, so naturally, I'm Mrs. Yoy.
April 30th. Day 45.
I had four zoom* calls. (*Mr. Yoy came in while I was writing and asked me to change this to Zoom Platform calls so as not to make their trademark generic).
I saw so many friends and supportive faces today.
Tonight's blog is dedicated to them. For helping me connect with other adults and chip away at my isolation. I'm using a tool I learned from them to present this blog:
A ROCK, A STICK, AND A LEAF.
What am I rocking right now? Hmmm...naps, sneaking out for walks, and Zoom Platform calls. I plum wore myself out talking on calls all day and I snuck in a 15 minute nap around 4:30PM. It was perfect. Little E and I rolled downstairs around 6PM to fix dinner. Big E was camped out on the couch watching YouTube videos. Apparently, he wasn't thrilled that we had "invaded his space." What happened next was a 45 minute meltdown over sharing space on our massive leather couch.
Big E politely asked Little E to go into the other room. His switch was too loud. Little E muted it, but Big E decided it wasn't enough. He wanted him to move off "his" couch. Which is weird, because we were in the family room. The couch we have all laid on for like 12 years. If you've been to my house, you've enjoyed my couch, too. Because it's awesome. But, I complemented Big E on expressing his feelings to his brother. This is an improvement over the immediate beat down.
Little E was hellbent on staying on that couch. I suggested our sweet green velvet couch in our bedroom for him to satisfy his need to lounge. That was a no. What about the sectional in your playroom? Also a no.
There was no winning this fight. I built a giant pillow wall between the boys. See Big E, you won't even know he's there...but alas, the wall came down and the fighting continued.
It ended with everyone crying, including me. Because I tried so hard to keep calm. I prayed out loud for the strength to stay calm. And in the end, I still dropped an "F" bomb on my children. Not like they haven't heard it before, but I still am not proud of myself when I lose my cool.
I don't think this fight was about the couch. I think this fight was about personal space and exerting some control in what feels like a total out of control situation. I see that now, as I sit here assessing what in the holy hell happened to a pretty chill afternoon. Big E needs to get away from Little E. And vice versa. And I need a break from both of them.
The boys were fine within 10 minutes of Big E cooling off. We had dinner and they kept asking why I wasn't talking. Let this be their first of many lessons of dealing with women. It takes longer than three seconds to get over arguments. It just does. They ate their dinners and went about their evening. I snuck out for a second walk. I had to cool off. I ran into a neighbor and we both vented about our kids. It was so helpful. Probably more than she knew.
What do I want to stick around after we are sprung from quarantine? Playing with my kids. I've played so much with my kids over the past seven weeks. Badminton, chalk, Sushi Go! They are actually pretty fun when they are not zombie tablet children.
Beyond my kids, I've been able to talk to friends I haven't talked to, like really talked to, in so long. My to-do list is normally all consuming. I don't think it has to be that way, and I see that now.
My phone is already in my hand. Instead of reading celebrity news on People, I can call a friend. I will get so much more out of it. I mean, how many pictures of Reese Witherspoon walking her dog while wearing a mask do I need to see?
What do I want to "leaf" behind? Homeschooling. Pay the teachers all the damn money, they have earned it. And then some. I was working with Little E today on converting fractions into decimals. Something I can do in my sleep, except I don't know how to teach it to him. I'm using 1980s math, which most of you already know is not = to 2020 math. As I was showing Little E my work and process on paper he started crying.
NUMBERS! NUMBERS! NUMBERS! I have no idea what you are talking about!
He was frustrated. I was frustrated because I couldn't translate my knowledge into a usable format for him. But I did appreciate the "numbers" reference. When Mr. Yoy talks to me about legal issues and I am lost, I usually reply with "MEMOS MEMOS MEMOS!" I think Little E inherited my sense of humor, but that is basically it.
On one of my many calls today, one of my mentors said something very profound.
WE HAVE ALL BEEN SENT TO OUR ROOMS TO CLEAN UP.
I love this. I am home. Forcibly hyper-focused on my children. I can let everything fall to shit or I can use this time to make myself a better parent and human. Some days, I can't make anything better. I just can't. But the awareness that I've been granted during this unique situation, is invaluable.
So tomorrow, I will try to do better. It's all I can do.
Day 65. I first want to say Happy Birthday to my best friend who would have been 44 today. I found a funny email exchange we had with each other back when we both first had our babies and had zero clue as to what we were doing. DOES THIS THING COME WITH AN OWNER'S MANUAL? The buildup has been immense, but this was the actual last day of school here in Cobb. Big E had his final Zoom call with his class. His teacher put together a video of them with baby pictures mixed in with their current pictures and I stood over Big E's shoulder and watched and silently cried. I left to grab a tissue and returned to watch the whole 5th grade video with photos of them starting as babies in Kindergarten and now as 5th graders. Again, I stood over Big E's shoulder and silently cried. He turned to look at me. I tried to play it cool. YOU CAN LEAVE NOW. Normally that would have hurt my feelings, but I'm so raw from everything, that I just numbly walked away to clean up
I bet you didn't expect to hear from me... At 8:45AM this morning, I had a very worried child wake me up. He was ultra concerned that we were not yet up. How were we going to stick to the schedule I had printed out? The schedule I printed out in attempt to convince myself that this homeschooling/quarantine would not be the dumpster fire, that deep down, I knew it would be. I don't normally sleep this late, I promise. But Mr. Yoy and I were up extra late last night, finishing off the Hunters. I fell asleep around 2AM. I checked my phone and I had a very special message from a very special lady requesting I resuscitate the Mrs. Yoy blog, at least for the time that we are locked in, as she needed some laughs. So here I am. It's a little after 6:30PM. No one in my house has died and I feel like I need some praise and validation. The morning wasn't so zen. 9AM was P.E. time per Little E and his militant schedule, so we went out for a walk/bike ride. We came back
Day 64. Things have been spooky quiet around here. Mr. Yoy drove Little E to Orlando on Saturday to spend some quality time with his Grandpop. Big E went along for the drive. Do you know what this meant, folks? I HAD 36 HOURS ALONE IN MY HOUSE. I REPEAT. ALONE. IN. MY. HOUSE. It took this break for me to finally feel how tightly wound I've been. The stress, slowly seeping into my bones, my soul over the past eight (nine?) weeks briefly left my body. I took a bath. I went for a long walk with a friend. I had a driveway hang with some friends from my Israel trip. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I read UNTAMED by Glennon. I slept. Really slept. I thanked Mr. Yoy for giving me this gift. Because it was such a gift. Mr. Yoy and Big E arrived back on Sunday night. Halfway through their drive, they found a golden doodle breeder and tried to convince me that this was what our family needed. I took a look at our blind, deaf, toothless poodle and knew that a puppy would be the ki