Monday, January 30, 2012

It Snot Right

Big E is snotty.

IF IT ISN'T DESIGNER, I'M NOT WEARING IT!

It would be way funnier if he was that kind of snotty.

Unfortunately for almost everything he comes into contact with, it is the kind that comes out of his nose.

Before I dive into my story, I'd like to add my professional mommy opinion about the current state of health in the ATL.  If you aren't suffering with some sort of runny nose, congestion, in my case, loss of voice, then I believe you are a robot.  The winter plague has arrived and it is in full force.

This afternoon we were hanging out in the playroom.  Big E had a good one dripping out of his nose.  I offered him up a boogie wipe.  Never heard of it?  It is a wet kleenex made for kids that smells like grapes.  They are awesome.

Big E refused.  Then he did this sketchy move where he tried to rub his nose on my sleeve.  Not HIS sleeve.  Mine. Where my arm is housed.

I quickly pulled my arm away.  I offered him another boogie wipe.  Again he refused.

Suddenly he ran his nose across my sweater and down my jeans.  I was pinned into the big fluffy chair.  I looked down to see a snot streak on my jeans.

BIG E!  THAT IS DISGUSTING!

I yelled in my meanest whisper.

He immediately started crying.

I WANT TO WIPE MY NOSE ON YOUR CLOTHES!  I WANT TO WIPE MY NOSES ON YOUR CLOTHES!

Time out.

What in the hell did I sign up for?  I'll need to talk to Mr. Yoy about getting myself a raise.

This is definitely a top five mommy skeeve out moment.

I put up with mountains of nasty mommy sh*t, but I have to say an INTENTIONAL, ACROSS THE BODY NOSE WIPE sent me over the abyss.

Big E proceeded to have a major meltdown because of my quiet scolding and I proceeded to have a bonfire in the backyard where I gladly contributed my jeans and sweater to its hungry flames.
If you look closely, you can see my cute purple sweater and skinny jeans.



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